The story of a Mom, Her Husband, Their three Boys and The Dog
The winter in New England is horrible, we are getting hit very bad with snowstorms one after the other there is nowhere to put more snow…
Cold weather there’s nothing better than Hot Chocolate with chocolate chip marshmallow yummy
What you see on the outside is not always what’s on the inside. A lot of us don’t even know what or how we really feel until we crash, and that’s how I felt about a month ago. I’ve had many ups and downs in my life since I was a child, like many people. We all have something to complain about, some more than others. I had some bad tragedy happen to me as a young girl and as I became older. I held everything that wasn’t exposed inside of me for many years actually for too long. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to say, that I need help, I looked for help, and I got it (been getting help).
Am I healed? Absolutely not. I still have a very long way to go, but I have good faith in God I will get better.
Being in this situation got me too depressed and having anxiety, panic attacks, plus all the other health issues I have doesn’t help. Holding in all my emotions and sadness, not sharing with anyone what I was feeling made me many times want not to live anymore. The only thing that kept me going strong was my family. The fact I have 3 kids and a husband that I love so much made me make the choice I wanted to be alive for them.
I had to be hospitalized for eight days because my INR not being stabled and having a blood clotting disorder that is very dangerous. I was also having a lot of pain in my lower abdomen. Pain that I still have till this lovely day by the way. As I was there at the Stewart Hospital this awesome doctor was talking to me and he actually got it out of me that I was feeling depressed and that I needed more help. He also looked at my records. Something that will follow you for life is your record. Those records had some history of attempts in there from when I was 11,13,16,18, records that suck to have but those things do have consequences on me today. So that doctor talked to me about going into this hospital to get help for my mental issues. I decided to go. I know another thing to follow my record but, I have a lot of things to work on and this was going to be good for me. So, I had to give it a try. I didn’t know what it was going to be like didn’t know what to expect. On my way there in the ambulance, all I could think about was, ” God Please Help Me.” I needed to do this to get rid of the monsters that haunted me. I was in such bad shape I couldn’t shower without the thought of hurting a person that I recently got into an argument with. Not only that but the monster from my past haunted me daily made me scared and made me think horrible things about myself. A lot of people are ashamed to admit they have a problem, but not me. I always knew I had a problem but never thought I needed help. Now I made the decision to get the help I need.
St. Elizabeth Medical Center Seton 5
1st day I got there I got checked in, and all my things – laptop, iPhone, journal, bag, wallet, and everything else possible of using for harm got taken away. They took my vitals and blood work. I got my room and I stayed there for the night sleeping. I wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone. Never slept so much like that day. They had to wake me up at one point because my husband was on the phone, I told him I was fine, and right back to sleep I went.
2nd day – I got up early, don’t remember the time all I know is that I stayed in that room till they announced breakfast was there. I went to get it, and it was nothing I wanted to eat. (When I arrived, I filled a menu IDK why they didn’t bring what I asked) So all I had from that tray was the coffee, cream, and sugar, but even that tasted horrible. I tried to step out of my room for a bit and as I stood by my door this girl was sitting next to the door on a table that was there, she was all alone, a young girl I was afraid to start talking to her because she looked like she was 16, and I’m this old lady didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. So, I asked her if I could put my cup down on the table, you know a lot of people don’t like others invading their space and she was all nice about it and said ” yes “. I started to make small conversation with her. I’ll keep her name private, and I’ll call her “J” for this post, and if she ever reads this you know who you are :). After that day at that table, I can say J you became a great part of my recovery. Talking to you every day and having you there just to color next to me 🙂 and having a conversation made a big difference. Thank You Girl for being a friend when I needed one. I miss you… (oh by the way “J” is not 16 LOL she’s in her 20’s) …..That same day I got a roommate, and it was this older woman (in her 60’s) the night she came in I was awake all night (as a matter of fact I was awake for most of the 6 days I was there) and she was so mad she had a roommate It was very funny.
The next morning Day #3 I was talking to “J” I told her about the roommate, and we laughed. After breakfast around group time, I met my roommate “D” She turned out to be this lovely lady, and my heart melted for her. 😦 We all started to attend groups and talk and hang around the T.V rooms like we were best friends LOL. We helped each other out and together we kept going day by day. The last thing you want to do is go into a place like this and lock yourself out and shut down and don’t let others in. Big mistake. Because becoming friends with them is what helps you most.
Now that you guys know about the people/Friends there and how nice it was to meet them let’s talk about the program. When I got there it was nothing like I was hoping for. I’ll explain. I had in mind this place where I was going to have groups, speak to doctors daily, and see a psychiatrist every day, but no nothing like that. I met my nurse 2x a day for my meds anything I asked her about my medication or problem she would say I had to wait to see a doctor. I had groups 5 times a day. The doctor saw me on my 2nd day there for 5 minutes changed all my medications and added more to my list, without knowing me or my history. In groups, you talk to staff and mates which were great. Once you get to know all the staff you know which ones are the good ones and the ones that are there just for the $$. There was 3-4 staff there named James lol, all cool, nice people who actually cared about doing their jobs and treating patients with respect. Yes, they are there for the money, but they know how to treat the people that are there and respect their condition. There’s this one staff there I wish I remembered his name because I would name him here, he would go around talking to all the female nurses about all the patient’s problems and why they were there, now you tell me. Is that even professional? He was a miserable person and over time he was there it made me feel more depressed than I already was. It was horrible.
Other than those little complaints Seton 5 is a very good place. I didn’t think it would help me at all and it did it made a difference in my life. When I got there, I was feeling so horrible, and my mind was filled with Hate and driving me crazy with all the horrible thoughts. Now I can work on them better and focus on my recovery.
I recommend the hospital to anyone willing to get help. I’m very Thankful I made that decision. I have no regrets. From now on I have to keep working on getting better. 🙂
It takes time to get cured if you ever do.
But you can make a choice to live miserably or try to move on.
Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.
Love at Mistletoe Inn
Series: A Year of Weddings Novella
By Cindy Kirk
Published by Zondervan
They’ve helped orchestrate the perfect day for countless couples. Now twelve new couples will find themselves in the wedding spotlight in the second Year of Weddings novella collection.
An owner of a Victorian inn and charming rustic barn is used to creating the perfect setting for other couples’ nuptials. But when she falls head over heels for the new man in her life, will she be prepared to walk down that aisle?
When I got this book to read It took me longer than I expected I wished I finished it sooner what a cute story 🙂
Hope Prentiss get shocked as she learned she is still married to her high school friend John Burke. John vows and paperwork they signed makes everything legal.
How is Hope going to get out of this situation she unexpectedly found herself in. This foolish mistake They made while just a teenagers? But John has other plans, he meant his words to Hope 10 years ago when he said “I do” with all his heart. But now after such a long time. How will he make Hope believe he is the man for her?
The Story tells you all about it and how they love became mutual 🙂
I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
So, you all know I’ve been sick for a little while now. In and out of the hospital and with doctor’s appointments almost daily. Yes, it all sucks, and I get very stressed by it all. I wanted to share a little about my experience at this hospital I always go to. And yes, I know most of you (or all of you) will ask me why do I keep going back to the same hospital?
Well, it’s not that I don’t like the hospital.
Compared to all the other hospitals around it looks very good, and well maintained. Yes, I’ve been to the other ones.
This place has all my records since I was a teen. Well, if they keep their record that long they should have it. This is one main reason I come back here all the time to keep all the files in one place I believe to be important.
They keep the hospital very clean, the cleaning crew is constantly around sweeping and picking up trash, making sure everything is clean and well taken care of. My point of view is another important thing. The Hygiene of the place needs to be kept at a good standard always. Unless you want the patients getting sicker instead of better.
When I went to South Shore Hospital the outside, main entrance, and all the other floors looked awesome, but the ER room was disturbing to even look at. They had no private rooms all the rooms were just divided by curtains, there were numerous people just hanging in the hallways and being treated right there it wasn’t nice at all.
Brockton Hospital took me in fast and treaded me fast, I had no wait at all, and the nurses were nice. The doctor was an Ass and didn’t even care to listen to me. The room they put me in was a supply room filled with junk and not the right room to have a patient in. I wasn’t happy.
Good Samaritan Medical Center
is the place where it all starts, we had many experiences here.
My Husband had surgery here back in 2006 -2008 not sure when and everything was fine he was sent home. A couple of weeks later he came back to the hospital with internal bleeding because of the surgery. I guess something was wrong and he started to bleed. he was hospitalized again for 7 days. They didn’t do anything besides keep him on antibiotics and monitor him, but the bleeding did stop, and he was good after that.
I came to the ER back in March of 2013 with pain in my right calf. I waited for about 4 hours to be seen. After waiting for all those hours, I was told by the nurse I didn’t need to see a doctor because I was young and strong and all I had was a pinched nerve on my back.
Because I love to read and be very informed at all times, I had already read all about my pain and what it could be, and what test should be done to find out what it was. So, I told her very patiently that I wanted an ultrasound of my legs and she argued with me that I didn’t need one.
At this point I was very angry and told her, I had all rights to get one. I demanded one and she finally asked the ultrasound people to come. This nurse then disappeared I didn’t see that nurse again for the rest of the time I was there.
When the ultrasound tech got to my ER room, they asked why I demanded an ultrasound I said because I educated myself and all the symptoms were pointing to a Blood Clot and not a pinched nerve. So, they did the Ultrasound, and Bam. There it was I had a DVT (deep vein thrombosis) behind my knees. If I had listened to that nurse, I could have died that night. Thank God I didn’t. I was admitted immediately. That same day I found out I was a factor 2 carrier. The doctor that took care of me when I was admitted she was the worst doctor ever, she was so rude. 2 days after being treated for a DVT she sent me home, and even though I complained I couldn’t breathe and had chest pain she didn’t even care to check if I had a pulmonary embolism.
When I left the hospital and got home, I was back the next day because I almost died of a PE (Pulmonary Embolism) Thanks to the lovely doctor that discharged me before I was ready to go home. Besides the ER wait, the nurse at the ER and the Rude Doctor that took care of me. Everything else was great, the people, the food, the beds, the cleanliness, everything. With this experience, I was scared to ever come back to Good Samaritan Medical Center ever again. I always do though because if you compare all the hospitals around Good Sam is still the best one. Plus, they have all my records. So, this year once again I needed to visit the ER and be hospitalized. My experience was much different. Still had the bad times but I also had my good times. 🙂
I was sent to the Hospital by my doctor. My PCP. She had requested me to be admitted. I sat at the ER from 7pm till 7am the next day waiting all that time, they finally called me in and when they did the doctor comes in and tells me there’s nothing, he can do for me, and he was sending me home. LOL a joke, right?
I called my PCP right away and I said either you fight this one or I will, and things will not be pretty. So, he did, and I was admitted…..I came up to the Floor, the 1st doctor that saw me didn’t give too much attention to me and didn’t care much about my problems. The nurses were very nice. Late that night my roommate decided she wanted to kill me and said she was going to throw things at me, and she didn’t want to see or hear me. Hahahahah
So, the nurses had to move me immediately to a different room. The next morning, I had the best doctor his name is Dr. Spiegel what a nice Guy. Talked to me like I was a human I liked that. Even though he said there is nothing more he can do for me, and they are sending me home. He still said it and explained it so nicely that it made me understand it. It was calmed instead of freaking me out and making me nervous. The nurses I had on this side are just amazing as well, Heather the pregnant lady is such a sweetheart, Steph is great too, Ashley the girl they made her sit in my room with me, nice person to talk to I actually never talked to anyone that much kind of cool. I liked her from the start. And all the other ones 🙂 I just wish I didn’t have to go home without a cure to my situation other than that I’m ok with this visit 🙂
Oh not to mention the Portuguese bread it’s so delicious yummy 🙂
“GOD KNOWS BEST”
Our Father knows what’s best for us,
So why should we complain–
We always want the sunshine,
But He knows there must be rain–
We love the sound of laughter
And the merriment of cheer,
But our hearts would lose their tenderness
If we never shed a tear…
Our Father tests us often
With suffering and with sorrow,
He tests us, not to punish us,
But to help us meet tomorrow…
For growing trees are strengthened
When they withstand the storm,
And the sharp cut of a chisel
Gives the marble grace and form…
God never hurts us needlessly,
And He never wastes our pain
For every loss He sends to us
Is followed by rich gain…
And when we count the blessings
That God has so freely sent,
We will find no cause for murmuring
And no time to lament…
For our Father loves His children,
And to Him all things are plain,
So He never sends us pleasure
When the soul’s deep need is pain…
So, whenever we are troubled,
And when everything goes wrong,
It is just God working in us
To make our spirit strong.
But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let, not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. James 1:6-7
We need not exert ourselves and try to force ourselves to believe or try to chase doubt out of our hearts. Both are just as useless. It begins to dawn on us that we can bring everything to Jesus, no matter how difficult it is; and we need not be frightened away by our doubts or our weak faith, but only tell Jesus how weak our faith is. We have let Jesus into our hearts. And He will fulfill our hearts’ desires. ___ O. Hallesby
When we know that God wants our communication it encourages us to pray. But there is an element to prayer that God needs from us before our prayers can be answered and that’s our faith. When we come to God asking for something believing in Him that he can accomplish it having total faith in Him it pleases him. The word of God in John 14 also says that has seen Jesus has seen God because they are one. And whatever we ask in his name he will do so the father may be glorified in the son.
Paul writes in {Ephesians 3:12} in him and through faith in him, we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
{John 14:14} You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
As we do come in Jesus’ name, it is the same as though Jesus prayed. It is the same as though___let I be saying it very softly so it may seem very reverent __ as though Jesus put His arm in yours and took you up to the Father, and said, ” Father, here is a friend of mine; we’re on good terms. Please give him anything he asks, for my sake.” And the father would quickly bend over and graciously say, ” What’ll you have? You may have anything you ask when My Son asks for it.” __S.D. Gordon
Constant faith in God’s ways of answering prayers is essential.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. {James 1: 5-8}
I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. {1 John: 13-15}
Believing what God says in His Word is faith. Faith is certainly a critical element of prayer. When you pray to God you have to lay it all down on his hands and forget about it, let him handle it from there, and have faith he is taking care of it for you. Don’t try to help God, Help you. Believe, have faith he will do the best for his child. His coming to this world, dying on the cross to save you was not for nothing.
Suppose one of your friends or relative called you and asked you to come over and care for something that was very dared to them but said, ” There will be a friend of ours here to be with you because I’m afraid you might take something.” What would you think? How would you respond? I believe in a way this is how God is trying to communicate when He says that we must have faith.
A Prayer for faith – David’s Prayer
” I love you, O Lord, my strength.” The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon you Lord, who is worthy to be praised, And I am saved from my enemies. {Psalm 18: 1-3}
May we have enough faith to be able to rest in peace and lay all our worries in God’s hands.
” Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3
What if God does not demand prayer as much as gives prayer? What if God wants prayer in order to satisfy us? What if prayer is a means of God nourishing, restoring, healing, converting us? Suppose prayer is primarily allowing ourselves to be loved, addressed and claimed by God. What if praying means opening ourselves to the gift of God’s own self and presence? What if our part in prayer is primarily letting God be giver? Suppose prayer is not a duty but the opportunity to experience healing and transforming love? __ Martin Smith
The eternal, majestic God of the universe wants to be intimate with us! He wants us to call, to cry, to sing to Him. He longs to love, to refresh, to encourage us. He wants to answer our call and to tell us great and unsearchable thoughts. God wants us to know that He is always ready to commune; He is always ready to listen. He wants to be so much a part of our lives that we would naturally come to Him at all times. He tells us that we have to freedom to call to Him wherever we are, about anything on our hearts. He delights in being involved with His children, and prayer is His gift and His invitation to intimacy.
“Pray for a desire to respond to God’s call to intimacy. “
To pray is to let Jesus come into our hearts. This teaches us, in the first place, that it is not our prayer which moves the Lord Jesus. It is Jesus who moves us to pray. He knocks. Thereby He makes known His desire to come in to us. Our prayers are always a result of Jesus knocking at our hearts’ doors.
Desiring intimacy with God ought to be the delight of my life and a choice gladly made I think of Daniel it didn’t matter what decrees were or what his schedule was; nothing kept him from his time with God certainly God revealed to Daniel incredible things he did not know I am deeply aware of my need for this remarkable reminder from the Lord about how much He desires to bless me. He invites us, and He waits for us to call.
David’s heartfelt desire was to respond to God’s call to intimacy.
David’s Prayer
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice, and be gracious to me and answer me. When You said,” seek my face, ” my heart said to you, your face, O Lord, I shall seek. (Psalm 27:7-8)
Has PTSD invaded your world?
Are you always walking on eggshells? Feel like nothing you do is right? Are you the victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse? Are you in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD? Then this book is a must-read for you. There is hope!
What is PTSD? It’s the aftermath of a traumatic event that happens during a person’s life no matter their age. The effect PTSD has on a family is very complicated why not say it’s very sad. I believe it affects everyone not only the person that has the PTSD but the spouse, their children, and anyone else that is around that person.
In this book, the author tells her story, about her family, and how her husband came home from war and was a different man. After all that must have happened there, he had some difficult issues that took her some time to understand because he wouldn’t talk about it, like most people with PTSD. Him being like that made her depressed, and a secondary PTSD from her marriage. Not only that but she also suffered some childhood trauma that also caused her to have PTSD. So, the book goes on to explain what PTSD is – It explains in detail the traumatic event that happens during her life. Even though the cause of PTSD can be when you’re a child you can still suffer as an adult. Some people never realize the impact that the event has on them until they start counseling sessions. When the therapist asks about the event, they have to recall all the traumatic events back. For some sleep is unpleasant, and a lot of people have panic attacks. In every chapter of the book, she gives you an answer and teaches you how to deal with some key points. I guess I expected a little more I don’t know if it’s because I suffer from PTSD and wanted more details for myself and she’s more on the ” Veteran Spouse ” side of the story. But overall, I liked her book, and I would recommend it.
There is a quote in the book that I related to it, and I would like to quote it.
Why does life have to hurt so bad? I am tired of the pain that is deep inside that I think I have learned to cope with only to have it mutate and return again. The people I hold dear don’t truly understand how I feel. They can’t. No one knows what I feel inside but me. The loneliness, the despair, the lack of accomplishment, the low self-esteem. if you have been successful there is no way you can understand my pain of rejection. Knowing that I am capable, but no one will give me a chance. One look at my resume says it all.
For 20 years, I devoted myself to my husband and my kids. Now I feel like I have nothing. Nothing but a persistent pain that keeps me from moving forward. But I don’t have anything to move forward to. Somewhere I lost myself, and I don’t know how to relate to this person that I have become. One minute I am fine and the next minute I am a bucket of tears. The seemingly happy moments are only a masquerade to cover the pain.
I keep treading water trying to stay afloat. But I am slowly sinking. Not able to decide what is best for me. Not wanting to make the wrong decision. I am indecisive. Wish I could live both lives to see which one I like better. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You live with the choices you make. Good or bad. I am someone who can be lonely in a crowded room. I sit quietly listening, thinking, but never contributing to the conversation. After all, what I have to say probably isn’t important or eventually, someone else will say what I was thinking. So why bother. Just stay in my own world. Nobody notices anyway.
What is peace? Is peace ever possible? I only wish I knew. I thought of suicide, but I don’t want to leave that scar on my children’s hearts for the remainder of their lives. I can’t even die in peace. Just please take the pain away. Let me find PEACE.
That is a killer quote/poem she wrote there it was so deep I was left speechless. To me, it was so me beside the suicide part. Having PTSD Sucks and although some people might think there’s a cure for it, I believe there isn’t. Unless you’ve ” Suffered from it ” don’t judge. That’s what I have to say 🙂
The reason why I say that is because You Might be able to FORGIVE but forgetting the past is something completely different and difficult to do trust me … Have a Blessed Day!!!!
He will be 17 on Friday, got his first Car, and is ready to drive and MOM is so scared oh boy. This is not what I had in mind when I started having kids LOL… Love my boys to death ❤ 🙂
This is his car gift from Grandma 🙂
The most precious gift in my life are My children and my husband Loving them is all I’ve got 🙂
I know that no matter what tomorrow brings I will always be able to have a smile and be thankful for all I had, have, and will have because God gave it to me.
I’m very thankful for my family!
I love to read 🙂 and as I was exploring around, and doing some reading, I learned some cool tricks that I will defiantly be using. These are just a few things every woman should know. I personally think… We all need some; ” Sleep, Stress Relief, Energy buster, and something that helps with cold sores? Uhh, I Love it. I don’t get them, but my husband does, and I never knew a simple home recipe would help him out. I’m glad I came across these tips. Of course, I didn’t come up with them like I said I was exploring around, online, magazines, etc. and that’s where I learned about it. So, credit to whoever was the genius 🙂
Erases Stress — A whiff of vanilla
The back-to-the-grind feeling that comes with summer’s end can trigger an uptick in the production of cortisol, the stress hormone that fosters chronic anxiety if left unchecked. Vanilla to the rescue! The aroma stimulates the production of alpha brain waves—electrical impulses that produce a happier mood. When you feel your tension increasing, simply take six (6) slow, deep sniffs of vanilla essential oil.
Heals Cold Sores — A Honey Salve
If you get one of these sores, try dabbing it with unpasteurized honey four (4) times daily this will help it heal 43% faster—plus cut risk of infection or scarring by threefold.
Deepens Sleep — Lettuce Tea
Summer sleep problems can rag into fall since it takes up to 5 weeks after the hot weather ends for the brain to start producing adequate amounts of sleep – inducing melatonin. Sipping 6oz of romaine-lettuce tea every evening can help. The leaves contain lactucarium, a natural sedative and muscle relaxant that can help you drift off within 30 minutes of your first sip, according to a study in the Journal of Ethnopharmacology. To make the brew, chop 2 whole romaine leaves and let simmer in 1 cup of water for 20 minutes.
BOOSTS ENERGY— An Oil Foot Rub
Fall’s shorter days and erratic weather fluxes confuse the central nervous system, sabotaging its ability to produce energizing dopamine, say UCLA doctors. To chance away fatigue, massage the insteps of your feet with a dab of cooking oil for 2 minutes. This stimulates acupressure points that signal the brain to increase dopamine output.
Now with all these information who knew that these simple things that we all have around our kitchen could be so useful. Hope you all can use some of these and feel more relaxed I sure need it. How about you???
Thinking Out Cloud 