6 things to do when you’re losing a wayward child #parenting

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  • They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.
  • Don’t blame yourself

    From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”

  • Stick to your values

    When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.

  • Love unconditionally

    It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.

  • Let them be them

    When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:

    “When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”

  • Fight with them

    Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.

  • Invade their space

    Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.

    If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.

 

 

 

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One year ago

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One year ago today I was feeling miserable not knowing what was wrong with me. Everything I ate, I wanted to put back out or it felt like it was stuck in my throat. I ended up like that laying on a hospital bed awaiting my doctors to begin my surgery. I was feeling miserable. I had been at that hospital for about 2 1/2 weeks just doing all kinds of tests till they finally found out what was wrong with me and decided to operate.

Turned out I had what it’s called ” Achalasia of the esophagus”  and what is that? You might be asking. That was the same question I was asking all the doctors there. ” What the heck is that?” As they started to explain to me what it was.

Achalasia is a rare disease of the muscle of the esophagus (swallowing tube). The term achalasia means “failure to relax” and refers to the inability of the lower esophageal sphincter (a ring of muscle situated between the lower esophagus and the stomach) to open and let food pass into the stomach.

What can cause the esophagus to close?
A thin area of narrowing in the lower esophagus can intermittently cause difficulty swallowing solid foods. Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). Damage to esophageal tissues from stomach acid backing up into your esophagus can lead to spasm or scarring and narrowing of your lower esophagus. Eosinophilic esophagitis.
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What is the surgery for achalasia?
The most common surgical technique used to treat achalasia is called the Heller myotomy, in which the surgeon cuts the muscles at the end of the esophagus and at the top of the stomach. In the past, this surgery was performed through a large (open) incision in the chest or abdomen.
I didn’t think twice and said go ahead do it. All I knew was I was tired of living the way I was. I couldn’t handle it anymore.  So off I went to surgery.
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With all the support from my husband by my side, I was very confident I would survive another surgery, another battle, another obstacle in my life.
Not only him, but my boys too. My family has been my Rock. My everything in time of need.
I wouldn’t be able to go on without their help. I’m forever grateful.
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After my surgery when I thought things would finally be better and my life would turn around. I became depressed. Didn’t want to leave my room. My life was from my downstairs to my upstairs. I didn’t want to do anything. Not because of the way my life was or my family. I love my life and my family. But my sickness just kept on coming and never went away. This surgery was to make me feel better and nothing changed. I was angry. Angry at the doctors, at a lot of things.
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Then I decided to turn things around. I sought help ( professional )
Today I’m still very sick as far as my Achalasia, blood clotting disorder,  Fibromyalgia,etc..etc..
In between this one year, I changed my mind about being miserable and decided to live my life.
Regardless of how I feel, I will still live on. when I don’t want to get up, or do anything, I will still do it. Just because I need to do so.
I put my faith and hope in the Lord the only one who can give me my daily strength.
I’m not 100% but I try everyday to do better than I did yesterday. With God’s help I’ll slowly get to a point where I can at least cut down on medications. 🙂
Praying for a better tomorrow.
Thank you for reading.

We adapt, we accept, but we never get over it!

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Today I grief the death of another childhood friend that passed this morning due to one of the most tragic cause of death this nation and generation has been facing. Something that’s been destroying our generation, drug overdose. This epidemic that you don’t see it’s a problem till it’s too late. Leaving us all with just the memory we all shared with her including her two beautiful children, E & D I know you guys will miss your mom forever. Her mom (G) Nothing will ever take this pain away. I hope God will comfort you. Comfort us all 😦 .
My heart is filled with sadness. We had so many talks and you told me so many times you could fight this. I know it was hard, I know you tried. May your soul now Rest In Peace. I will forever miss you. Miss the days we spent together since 5th grade. All those times at your house when your mom and your sister had to make us lunch after school. We had so much fun. After we grew up going out to eat and hanging out. It was always a pleasant time to be around you. Karaoke  night at the Chinese place all of us together was a night to remember. I will never forget. 😦

Lindsay’s death was a tragedy, it really has been a tragic waste, and like the bitter pill that’s hard to swallow, it leaves an awful after taste. So I hope this message gets home, and her death hasn’t been in vain, because I’d hate anybody else, to have to go through all this, all again. You only get one chance on this earth, and I hope that line stays in someone’s mind, because the very real tragedy, is what happens to those that get left behind.

In Memory

We have all lost someone that we love today 

One that we all wish

was never taken from us this way

But God thought it was their time to leave

Ans now this is the moment 

For us their friends and family to grieve

We keep asking ourselves why 

Why do the good die young?

Why don’t we ever get a warning 

To when our day will come?

We were all just having birthdays and having so much fun

Tell us why you had to take them 

I mean our lives have just begun

It hurts so much to think

That they are no longer here 

When we keep seeing their face 

Through each falling tear 

Now knowing that their memory will never disappear

Although we keep pleading that this tragic ordeal 

Is anything but real

We are demanding the pain we feel

Of our hearts breaking and tearing from the seams

To somehow just be one heart rendering bad dream

Though as we awaken and realize it is not

We can remember the good times we had with them 

And forget about the times we all fought

There for please cherish all the memories

And never forget their laugh

Because we all have a piece of them within us

And that is how the love they had 

For everyone will forever last

We hope that you knew 

How many people truly cared about you

And that in your passing you have taught us

That we should always stand tall

And that we have to try to make the best of it all

Hopefully, through this tragedy, we all will wake up & see

That life can be short and taken from us so easily

You all truly will be missed by so many

We are grateful for knowing you 

And lucky to have been part of your lives

We know that Heaven’s gates

Have been opened up for you

The Angel’s have given you your wings

So that you all may watch over us

And push us so we may strive to do better things

A poem by Elizabeth Mooney

This song is in your memory… Every time I hear it it will remind me of you 😦
You will forever be missed. Love always Your Friend.

6 things you should never say to someone with depression

6 things you should never say to someone with depression

Chances are, you know someone struggling with depression. If you want to help instead of hurt, avoid these six common mistakes.

  • 1. “Get over it”

    Depression is a serious matter that is not always easily dealt with. Getting professional treatment in a number of modalities, including prescription medication, therapy and even alternative treatments can help, but saying this won’t make anything better.

  • 2. “It’s not that bad”

    You don’t know how bad it is to them. The event that triggered the depression may not seem significant on the surface, but depression could be doing major damage on the inside once it has taken root. Try not to undermine or minimize how someone feels if you can’t understand what she’s going through.

  • 3. “You’re weak”

    Illness is not weakness. And projecting an ableist attitude onto someone who is suffering shows a lack of compassion and understanding that only makes you appear weak in character. Although a person may feel weak due to his ailment, calling him so will not give him strength.

  • 4. “Stop whining”

    Shaming a person with a psychological disorder is cruel and can cause further damage. Yes, constantly reinforcing the feelings he wants to rid himself of seems illogical and can be irritating, but it comes from a feeling of helplessness. As humans, we tend to express what we feel the most. If he were happy, he would be expressing that instead.

  • 5. “I got over it”

    What works for you will not work for everyone. Another’s experience with depression or its inciting events may be quite different from yours. Everyone has his own predispositions, chemical makeup and personal history, making for a unique treatment and healing plan. Plus, getting over something doesn’t mean you got through it. You may have put something behind you, but if it’s not entirely resolved, it could resurface and rear its ugly head again.

  • 6. “You’ll be fine”

    Be careful using these words. It can appear dismissive, uncaring or cold if said in the wrong way. Keep eye contact, smile kindly, and if you are close enough with the person, reach out and give him a warm hug and firm pat on the shoulder or back when saying this. If you believe he will get through this, let him know you mean it.

     

    Remember to keep your feelings about life and all of its ups and downs in perspective when addressing someone with depression. Even if you see a simple solution, a depressed person may see hopelessness and nothing in her future. Keep communication open and the bonds strong in your spiritual and biological family. This is the time your loved one needs you the most.

Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com

10 things parents need to know about their highly sensitive child

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10 things parents need to know about their highly sensitive child
Having a highly sensitive child can be a trying, confusing time. But these 10 insights into your sensitive child’s life can make the challenge a little easier to tackle.

High sensitivity (also known as sensory processing sensitivity) is a personality trait seen in about 20 percent of adults; and needless to say, all adults start out as kids. Your sensitive kid is very likely a typical kid, but one who needs some special attention and care.

Common characteristics of a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC) include being:

Highly emotional
Sensitive to tastes and smells
Sensitive to physical touch
Sensitive to fabrics and/or cuts of clothing
Sensitive to irritants (highly reactive to chemicals, dyes, additives, stings, bites, scratches, etc.)
Sensitive to light and sound (especially fluorescent lights, and loud and very quiet noises)
Affected greatly by the feelings of others (especially negative feelings)
To understand your Highly Sensitive Child’s (HSC) feelings and needs, consider these 10 realities of your child’s life:
1. Your HSC feels everything more intensely

So frustration sounds like screaming, screaming feels like a slap, and a slap feels like a punch. Everything, especially negative things, are felt more intensely and will leave a lasting impression on your HSC. Your HSC may cower and withdraw from you long after an incident if they feel threatened by something you barely remember.

2. Your HSC can appear emotionally unstable or imbalanced

He may simply switch from one end of the emotional spectrum to another. He can go from highly excitable, to the point of hyper, to extremely upset and crying in an instant. Whatever he feels he feels deeply, in that moment.

3. Be conscious of how you behave toward and in front of your HSC

He will take things personally and internalize his treatment. Punishment needs to be adjusted to fit your child individually, and used to teach and correct him rather than inflict suffering.

4. Your HSC is susceptible to psychological problems like depression and anxiety

Being sensitive means your child is likely to get negative feedback from his family and peers and be criticized for his sensitivity, then feel that negative interaction deeply. Likewise, growing up in an abusive or neglectful environment leads to problems at a higher rate in these children than their peers.

5. Your HSC is highly susceptible to stress related issues and illnesses

Headaches, stomach aches, digestion issues, and more are just some of these illnesses. Constant stimulation and agitation is bad for the body, so these kids often need more medical attention.

6. Your HSC needs to be protected from bullying at all costs!

Bullying is difficult for any kid, but can be detrimental to the development of your sensitive child. Make sure he gets the TLC he needs and leave no room for bullying in his world.

7. Your HSC lives in the moment

When things are bad, the world is bad. When things are good, nothing else matters. So try to keep his world happy and positive as much as you can.

8. Your HSC needs to be heard and understood

So when he speaks, listen. If he feels ignored, he will internalize this to mean he is not valued, worthless, and his feelings don’t matter.

9. Never tell your HSC to stop being sensitive

You are asking him to change his fundamental makeup, and reinforcing his feelings of being different, unvalued and worthless. You are telling him who he is, is not okay. You can, however, encourage resilience at a pace he is comfortable with.

10. Seek help for your HSC if you feel like you can’t handle things on your own

Now recognized as fairly common, kids and adults with high sensitivity are more susceptible to subtle stimuli but process and use it normally. Unlike sensory processing sensitivity, sensory processingdisorder is much less common and the causes incorrect identification and response to normal stimuli. Your child may have either or both the sensitivity and the disorder. But in any case, your kid will need special care and attention, and a lot of understanding.

Although it can cause great challenges in the lives of those it affects, and even more around them, sensory-processing sensitivity is not a disorder; it’s who your child is. And sensitive kids are awesome kids.

 

Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com www.familyshare.com

How to recognize emotional abuse

How to recognize emotional abuse

Ways to tell if you are in an abusive relationship. On either side. And what to do about it.
  • Emotional abuse has many definitions, but is best characterized by typical patterns of behavior and relationship dynamics. Emotional abuse tends to revolve around a power imbalance, where at least one person in the relationship seeks psychological and sometimes physical control of another. But on its own, emotional abuse does not involve physical aggression. Interestingly, although it often is, this abuse is not always conscious, obvious, or intentional.Someone brought up in an emotionally abusive environment may not recognize their own abusive ways. Or they may not recognize the abuse they suffered as valid. Someone may also confuse control with care, and see their domineering or invasive attitude as not only appropriate and necessary, but as a sign of affection.Emotional abuse in relationships and marriages can be characterized in two ways. The more aggressive form of emotional abuse is overt, and leaves you with an explicit understanding of the experience. You know what they think, feel and say about you, as do the other people in your life.The more passive form of emotional abuse is less about domination, and more about needling. Small, seemingly insignificant digs or corrections that build up into somewhat of a master and subordinate relationship over time. And you may not ever truly know what the abuser really thinks, feels or says about you — or even what the abuse is doing to you.So how do you know if your spouse, partner, or someone else in your life is emotionally abusive?
  • More aggressive signs of emotional abuse

  • Name calling

    She might use name calling, whether during an argument, as a reprimand, or as a regular course of life, is childish and disrespectful. You are not stupid, worthless, ugly, or any other degrading name.

  • Belittling and condescension

    You’re always beneath him. He needs to make you and your accomplishments worthless and insignificant. And he may inflict embarrassment in front of people who care for and respect you.

  • Condemnation and criticism

    You can’t do anything right. You are wrong no matter what. You’re a bad person, parent, friend, follower. You name it. Or at the very least, you’re not as good, or as good at it, as she is.

  • Control and possessiveness

    He micromanages your day, whereabouts, appearance or priorities. You can’t go anywhere without him, without his permission, or without informing him first. If you do, there’s a long lecture or intense fight to come.

  • Accusations and paranoia

    Accusations of infidelity are the most typical. But the accusations may be as outlandish as cheating with a friend, family member or for money. She might accuse you of stealing from her, or even trying to harm her or your children.

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  • Threats

    He might threaten violence, humiliation or abandonment, which silences objections to the torturous treatment.

  • Manipulation and corruption

    She will push an agenda that only benefits or pleases her. Or one that is detrimental or offensive to you. She will often convince you to comply, or come up with the idea that appears to be your own, but isn’t.

  • Bribery and extortion

    He will use a secret, such as the abuse itself, for example, as a means to continue and escalate control.

  • Isolation

    She Keeps you from friends, family, co-workers, and others who care about your health and well-being, and really anyone else in the world. This helps maintain her control. The only person you need is her.

  • Exhibition and voyeurism

    He flaunts his abusive ways, freedom and independence, and even his affairs, in front of you and others. He may watch you suffer through his control and humiliation, and invite others into it. Hi might stand over you and film you as you scrub the floor on your hands and knees.

  • More passive signs of emotional abuse

  • Guilt and shame

    She tries to make you feel bad about something that is really out of your control. When things go wrong, and they always do, it’s always you. And even if you try your best to keep things together, or fix them, your effort is still not up to par.

  • Blame

    The problem is all you, and he does nothing wrong. You deserve the way he, and others, treat you. Again, you’re responsible for what is in another’s hands.

  • Comparison and disapproval

    You are not good enough the way you are. You need to change. Or you need to be more like someone else. And even then, this probably won’t be good enough.

  • Correction

    Mistakes are forbidden. She makes the rules and decides when and how you break them. Warranted or not, she will find something you did wrong and let you know about it.

  • Gossip

    He speaks negatively or pityingly about you behind your back. Especially to other people who respect you to degrade their opinion of you, or to people who already view you negatively, adding fuel to the fire.

  • Sabotage

    She overtly or discretely discredits, refuse to assist, or hinders you and your accomplishments.

  • Ignoring

    He uses the silent treatment. Usually administered as a punishment for doing, saying, or even thinking or being something he disapproves of.

  • Rejection and neglect

    She willfully withholds love, affection, support, intimacy, quality time or any relationship need.

  • Crowding and imposition

    He is a constant intrusion into your life, and even the lives of others around you. He wants complete access. He always needs you to be near him, in contact with him, or readily available to him. He tells you what you should and should not do. He asks your friends, family, co-workers or even employers about every detail of your life.

    If you think you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, seek professional help. Or, at the very least, talk to someone you trust about it. Go on-line and researchwhat it is, what it looks and feels like, and how to stop it. Decide that you deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Work toward building that relationship with whoever wants to build it with you.

Georgia Lee
Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com