- They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.
Don’t blame yourself
From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”
Stick to your values
When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.
It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.
Let them be them
When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:
“When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”
Fight with them
Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.
Invade their space
Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.
If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.
10 cancer symptoms that most people ignore
- Medicine has developed fantastically in recent years, finding new drugs that help with the control of various diseases that once haunted, and even killed.
But despite medical advancement, prevention is key to maintaining our health and fighting diseases early.
Good use of medicine is another important factor. Misuse of it can also cause harmful symptoms.
Cancer, a disease that scares many people, has a greater chance of cure when treated early. It stops being so scary when we periodically take preventive tests.
We must carefully watch every day, as different symptoms may indicate that something is not quite right, and there is need for medical help.
Because cancer can attack various parts of the body, it is crucial to pay attention to our bodies. Below are 10 cancer warning signs.
1. Frequent cough
Frequent coughing can simply be a sign of allergies — but when the cough is very persistent you may want to consider seeking the opinion of a specialist. Even non- smokers can develop throat, larynx and lung cancer. Therese Bartholomew Bevers, MD of the MD Anderson Cancer Center, said that “Most coughs are not cancer, but a persistent cough needs to be evaluated because it can be a symptom of lung cancer.”
2. Weight loss without dieting
Though losing weight is the dream of many women, without dieting it can be the indicator of a disease. Look out for sudden weight gain as well.
3. Frequent pain in the joints
Joint pain is one of the symptoms of bone cancer, whether it is frequent or not. Getting headaches does not mean you have a brain tumor, but it’s always nice to closely evaluate them. Many ovarian cancers are diagnosed after persistent abdominal pain. And lung cancer can be spotted from chest pains.
4. Fatigue without apparent cause
Being overly tired for no apparent reason can be a sign of the blood cancer Leukemia. Being aware of changes like this in your body can save your life.
When jaundice, the yellowing of skin most commonly seen in babies, appears in adults, it may be a sign of liver problems, including cancer.
6. Dark spots and freckles that change color and size
It is never a bad idea to have freckles and moles checked periodically. Also, all new dark spots on the skin should be examined. Skin cancer can be detected precisely from these spots.
7. Eye pain that persists
Pain in the eye, a symptom of eye cancer, can easily be mistaken as a result of being tired. If pain persists, consult a doctor immediately.
8. Discharges with or without blood
Discharges of different color and odor should also be investigated. Vaginal bleeding outside the menstrual period may indicate cervical cancer. Check in with your gynecologist at least once a year.
Hoarseness can be started by the swelling of the vocal cords caused by a more serious problem, and could be a cancer indicator.
10. Diarrhea and bleeding
A diseased intestine can cause bowel changes.
Do not be terrified every time you notice any symptoms, such as those mentioned above. Remember that many of these things are also common symptoms of other illnesses and things we encounter on a daily basis. However, if any of these symptoms persists longer than normal, it is always smart to check it out. It could save your life.
This article is a translation and adaption of the original article “10 sintomas de câncer que a maioria das pessoas ignora”
5 tips on fighting fair with your teen
- Teenagers can be terrors, and battles are bound to break out. But not every argument has to be a free-for-all fight. It may seem fitting to make sure your little one knows who’s boss in your home, but it’s important to remember that your kids are still growing, and how you handle arguments with them will teach them how to handle arguments with others. You are a model for your son’s behavior, and you’re teaching your daughter what to expect from the world. So when frustrations rise and tensions boil over, remember this important advice about fights:
1. Words hurt, and cannot be taken back
You can’t un-ring a bell; and you can’t take back hurtful words you say to your child. You may instantly forget what is spewed in a fray, but the worse it was, the longer your child will remember. No matter how bad the conflict seems, your son or daughter needs to know you’ll still be there for him or her once the battle is over and the smoke has cleared. That bond and trust can easily be broken when he or she has to forget something terrible you’ve said to rebuild your relationship.
2. Your child will remember things you forget
It’s not just words you must be careful of in fights; your actions can also speak loudly. Acting aggressively toward your son or daughter – lunging, chasing, grabbing or raising a fist – is unnecessary. And needless to say, making contact in this manner is entirely inappropriate. If your teen loses control and attacks you, your job is to restrain and de-escalate — never to retaliate. Likewise, leaving your child in a fight, either at home or stranded somewhere, will leave him feeling abandoned. Be present and available, even in conflict. And see your fight through until its resolution.
3. You are the adult, and you are in control
Not of your son, but of yourself. He is growing into an independent person with a mind of his own, and no amount of punishment, rage or belittling is going to turn him into who or what you want him to be. He has to find that for himself. But the best way to encourage this is to show him how to be someone you would want him to be; especially in times of crisis.
4. You are a role model
How you respond in times of stress says a lot about you and your parenting. Show your child how a mature adult responds to the world when things are not going your way. You may feel justified in blowing up and getting into a shouting match, but nothing gets heard or resolved over yelling. Make change at indoor volume.
5. Yours is not the only valid opinion
It may be time to sit back and actually listen to your teen’s point of view. Yes he may lie, and yes she may be manipulative, but somewhere deep down your teens are learning to navigate the world, and there is likely some structured and logical thinking. Acknowledge what actually makes sense, and build on that.
Fights with your teens can be stepping stones into adulthood, so make sure you’re laying a good foundation. Teach your sons and daughters to resolve conflict and face an argument with good skills and goals so everyone comes out unscathed and no worse for wear.