4 things to never tell a mother who has lost a child

You probably mean well when you are trying to comfort a grieving mother, but you can end up hurting her even more.

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  • Losing a child is one of the worst pains a mother can ever experience. In the middle of grief, many friends and family members try to help and offer comfort, but sometimes well-meaning people say things that end up really hurting. Provide real comfort by being sensitive and loving in this terrible time. Here are four things to never say to a mother who has lost a child, and some suggestions of things you can say instead that might be more helpful.
  • 1. You can have another child

    Just because a mother can have another child – or already has other children still alive – doesn’t mean that the pain ever goes away. Every child is unique and that loss is deeply felt. That particular child can’t ever be replaced, no matter how many other children there are in the family.

    Try saying this instead: Can I help you care for your other children? I want to help in any way I can.

  • 2. Everything will be okay

    This generalized statement isn’t helpful, and it undermines the importance of the mother’s feelings. This statement says that you don’t really care about present pain because you think the pain will go away in the future.

    Try saying this instead: What is something healing I can do for you today?

  • 3. Time heals all wounds

    This grieving mother shares her thoughts from her blog about that phrase: “To an extent PART of this is true, but it doesn’t ever help to hear, and it’s not a typical wound that eventually heals up completely…Please don’t use this one on us. It isn’t at all helpful, just cliché.”

    Try saying this instead: I’m glad your child got to spend some time on Earth with your family. What were some of your favorite moments with him/her?

     

  • 4. Just have faith

    When a tragic event happens, such as losing a child, the mother’s faith is already being tested. Saying “just have faith” is very simple to say but is very hard to do. Phrasing a trial so casually does not leave room for you or the mother to develop a deeper relationship with God through this time of tested faith. Faith is a personal matter, and it’s not something for you to interfere with.

    Try saying this instead: I’d like to pray for you. What are some specific things you would like me to pray for?

    By avoiding these four things and stepping in with loving and helpful phrases, you can prevent further heartache for the grieving mother. During times like this, love and support are most needed – not more sadness.

Article by Hannah Chudleigh

Gilt Hollow By Lorie Langdon #momblogger

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Willow and Ashton best friends that will do anything for each other.
Living in a small town called Gilt Hollow, where everyone knows everyone.
Willow’s life involved around her best friend and her trying to prove his innocence to the murder charges of one of his good friend Daniel.
Unfortunately the ones blaming him and testifying against him were all his friends who hanged out with him almost everyday.

After he is released from prison, he goes back to his town to try and clear his name.
Someone is trying to frame him to get him sent back to prison. Willow is still convinced Ashton is innocent and together they work to find out who did kill Daniel.

Each time I picked up this book, I was sucked into the story. I honestly couldn’t put it down.
I needed to find out what happened at the end.
To be honest the resolution is quite unexpected.

Book Review:
Willow Lamott’s best friend is a convicted killer, and no one in the small town of Gilt Hollow will let her forget it. Over four long years, she’s tried to fade into the background—but none of that matters when Ashton Keller comes striding into school, fresh out of juvie and fueled by revenge. The moment their eyes meet, Willow no longer feels invisible. Drawn to the vulnerability behind Ashton’s mask of rage, she sinks deeper into his sinister world and begins to question whether he’s a villain, a savior, or both.
Ashton thought he wanted vengeance, until Willow Lamott stepped back into his life. Now he longs to clear his name and become the person she sees in him. But the closer they get to uncovering the truth, the darker the secrets become, and Ashton wonders if his return to Gilt Hollow will destroy everyone he loves.

Books published under the Blink imprint are intended for a general readership without being overtly Christian.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

6 things to do when you’re losing a wayward child #parenting

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  • They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.
  • Don’t blame yourself

    From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”

  • Stick to your values

    When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.

  • Love unconditionally

    It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.

  • Let them be them

    When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:

    “When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”

  • Fight with them

    Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.

  • Invade their space

    Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.

    If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.

 

 

 

https://www.websafety.com

“Oh, How He Loves Us” 


“Oh, How He Loves Us” 

You’ve always heard that we are created in the image of God. But what does that really mean, and why did God create us in His image? When you hear that, you probably are reminded of your worth – that if the God of the universe created you like Him – you are worth something. But it can also be a little scary, because we can get a “God complex,” thinking we are equal with Him because we are made in His image. 
Let’s take a look at the beginning – to see where God fell deeply in love with us. Take a trip with me back to the Garden of Eden. I imagine it must have been the most beautiful sight. Vast with greenery, sprouting with life, and glowing with perfection. It was perfect. God created our world and had us in mind. He knew he wanted to bring us into this world to love in a way our minds cannot fathom. So, He created us in His image. 
The Hebrew meaning of the phrase image of God is imago Dei meaning “image, shadow or likeness of God.” I like to think of us as a snapshot, or a replication of Him. And that’s where it gets tricky because we begin to think we are in charge. We can easily confuse our God-likeness to being gods. God did place us in the highest order of His creations, because we are the only creations made in his image. It’s when we begin to become more like Him that we are truly his image bearers. We will be the most whole when we develop into who God made us to be. 
If this in itself isn’t a beautiful picture of God’s love for us, He gave us an entire love story in His Word. Story after story of His love, His faithfulness and His unrelenting passion for us. When we are ready to realize we are not God, we are of Him and His love for us is deeper than anything we can fully grasp – that’s when we will truly be an imago Dei of Him.
{ Genesis 1  } 

First Day of College #momlife 


FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE

I miss the days when you would just crawl into my arms and my hugs and kisses were all you seemed to need….. I can only hope that we have taught you the most important lessons about life….ethics, morality….if not in words then at least through our actions and deeds.

You will have temptation from every direction, and will need to have the guts to know what is right and not just follow the ‘pack’! If you still have any doubt on how to proceed…..REMEMBER…now that you are 18, you will always be tried as an adult!

There is always someone smarter than you, dumber than you, more confused than you, more secure, less confident, more sensitive, less reserved….and even more dysfunctional! Enjoy the benefits of meeting some, and show compassion for the others. Roles may be reversed next week!

In these upcoming years, don’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and work hard for what you want! You have never shied away from hard work…..don’t start now! Believe in yourself and never be afraid to say what you really think or feel. You will be facing adversity……make sure you get up when you are kicked down, holding your head high! Continue to be the loving, caring son/friend I know you to be. Compassion is everything in life!

You have been so focused on who and what you want to be since you were 5 years of age. With the endless possibilities in front of you, don’t be afraid if your goals take a couple of twists and turns. This is only natural and expected. You are surrounded by our love and support.

I am so proud to be your Mom. You are a true gift from God and one of my greatest accomplishments. I cannot wait to see what your future holds, the possibilities are endless.

I Love you ❤

 
Author unknown

Jump-Start Your Dreams 

Jump-Start Your Dreams 
What is the dream that God’s placed in your heart?I’m not asking if you have one, I already know it’s there because God gives all of us dreams. 

I’ve seen people do all kinds of things to their dreams. Some people bury them so deep in their hearts in order to protect them from the criticism of others. Some people set them out of sight so they don’t have to think about them anymore. And some people finally just give up on their dreams because it hurts too much to hold on. 

If your dream needs a jump-start, there are two things I want you to remember. First, you need to get a vision that’s clear. And second, you must keep your vision in front of you at all times. 

But having a vision doesn’t mean that it will instantly appear. God’s as interested in the process of vision as He is in the end result. 

The apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13 that he had learned how to be content and satisfied to the point where he was not disturbed by whatever state he was in. In other words, he never allowed himself to get upset with where he was at the moment, he was always looking forward to where he could be. 

That means you, like Paul, need to find a balance between contentment and ambition. Here’s the key: Learn to enjoy where you are on the way to where you’re going. 

When you have a dream or a vision, you have to keep it in front of you. If it helps, write it down. And remember, God will help you live the dream He’s given you, step-by-step, one day at a time. 

Prayer Starter: Jesus, even though I don’t always feel like it and life tries to get me to quit, I believe You have a great plan for my life. I choose to trust You to help me live the dream You’ve given me more than I trust my circumstances.

( Promises for your everyday Life )