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4 things to never tell a mother who has lost a child

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You probably mean well when you are trying to comfort a grieving mother, but you can end up hurting her even more.

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  • Losing a child is one of the worst pains a mother can ever experience. In the middle of grief, many friends and family members try to help and offer comfort, but sometimes well-meaning people say things that end up really hurting. Provide real comfort by being sensitive and loving in this terrible time. Here are four things to never say to a mother who has lost a child, and some suggestions of things you can say instead that might be more helpful.

  • 1. You can have another child

    Just because a mother can have another child – or already has other children still alive – doesn’t mean that the pain ever goes away. Every child is unique and that loss is deeply felt. That particular child can’t ever be replaced, no matter how many other children there are in the family.

    Try saying this instead: Can I help you care for your other children? I want to help in any way I can.

  • 2. Everything will be okay

    This generalized statement isn’t helpful, and it undermines the importance of the mother’s feelings. This statement says that you don’t really care about present pain because you think the pain will go away in the future.

    Try saying this instead: What is something healing I can do for you today?

  • 3. Time heals all wounds

    This grieving mother shares her thoughts from her blog about that phrase: “To an extent PART of this is true, but it doesn’t ever help to hear, and it’s not a typical wound that eventually heals up completely…Please don’t use this one on us. It isn’t at all helpful, just cliché.”

    Try saying this instead: I’m glad your child got to spend some time on Earth with your family. What were some of your favorite moments with him/her?

     

  • 4. Just have faith

    When a tragic event happens, such as losing a child, the mother’s faith is already being tested. Saying “just have faith” is very simple to say but is very hard to do. Phrasing a trial so casually does not leave room for you or the mother to develop a deeper relationship with God through this time of tested faith. Faith is a personal matter, and it’s not something for you to interfere with.

    Try saying this instead: I’d like to pray for you. What are some specific things you would like me to pray for?

    By avoiding these four things and stepping in with loving and helpful phrases, you can prevent further heartache for the grieving mother. During times like this, love and support are most needed – not more sadness.

Article by Hannah Chudleigh
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19 Valentine’s Day date ideas. #love #valentinesday

EllyFilho1 Comment

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Because you love his romantic side. And he loves seeing you smile.
  • After all this time, you are still each other’s favorite person to spend time with.

    So why not use this February 14th as just another reason to spend that time together doing something fun?

    Need some ideas? Here you are!

  • 1. Cook something yummy together

    Find a new recipe you both want to try. Or take a cooking class together. Watching his inner chef come out will be cute. And in the end, you get to enjoy a yummy meal together.

  • 2. Take a dance class

    So your cha-cha might not be the smoothest thing ever. But he thinks it’s cute. Try learning some new dance moves together that you can use at home later on when your favorite song comes on the radio.

  • 3. Visit a farmer’s market

    Pick out some fresh ingredients for salsa, or grab some fresh fruit. Or head to a winter market for squash and jarred goodies.

  • 4. Go on a dinner cruise

    A delicious dinner while surrounded by water and stars – need we say more?

    Or, if this doesn’t fit the budget at the moment, spend the evening planning the details of a future vacation, and then start saving so you can take it.

  • 5. Visit a museum or art gallery

    Pick one that you both think sounds interesting, and see what new things you learn.

  • 6. Go bowling

    Winner gets to pick where you go for dessert.

  • 7. Take a hot air balloon ride

    Unless one of you dislikes heights. You want this to be fun, remember?

  • 8. Re-create your first date

    Take her to the restaurant you first took her to. Talk about when you first met. Reminisce about the little details of that time together.

  • 9. Make s’mores

    And snuggle in a warm blanket under the stars.

  • 10. Go to a play

    Dressing up for a nice evening out can be refreshing and fun for both of you.

  • 11. Visit a new city or town together

    Go exploring and see what cool places you discover. Find an old town to walk around while holding hands, or try a new restaurant you stumble upon.

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  • 12. Make ice cream sundaes

    Go shopping together beforehand to pick out all the toppings. Or grab some root beer and ice cream for root beer floats.

  • 13. Go hiking

    If you go often, go to a new spot you’ve been wanting to try together. Maybe even bring along a picnic.

  • 14. Play tennis

    It’s a date and a great workout all in one.

  • 15. Go swimming

    Find a heated pool or some hot springs or hot tubs and relax.

  • 16. Have a spa night

    Book a couples massage or some facials.

  • 17. Have a perfume/cologne date

    Go out and smell some new fragrances, and then help each other pick one that you both like. You’ll have a cute date and get your Valentine’s Day gifts for each other picked out at the same time.

  • 18. Try a couples yoga class

    Because why not use Valentine’s Day to de-stress, stretch and feel great afterward?

  • 19. Attend a sports game

    A night out with a little cheering while eating good food may be just what you both need.

    Give one of these a try this Valentine’s Day – and then use the others for regular date nights with your spouse, and see how much closer you become.

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Article by  Kelsi Jones
Kelsi graduated with a journalism degree and is passionate about the written word and the power it has to bring more good into the world.
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Gilt Hollow By Lorie Langdon #momblogger

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Willow and Ashton best friends that will do anything for each other.
Living in a small town called Gilt Hollow, where everyone knows everyone.
Willow’s life involved around her best friend and her trying to prove his innocence to the murder charges of one of his good friend Daniel.
Unfortunately the ones blaming him and testifying against him were all his friends who hanged out with him almost everyday.

After he is released from prison, he goes back to his town to try and clear his name.
Someone is trying to frame him to get him sent back to prison. Willow is still convinced Ashton is innocent and together they work to find out who did kill Daniel.

Each time I picked up this book, I was sucked into the story. I honestly couldn’t put it down.
I needed to find out what happened at the end.
To be honest the resolution is quite unexpected.

Book Review:
Willow Lamott’s best friend is a convicted killer, and no one in the small town of Gilt Hollow will let her forget it. Over four long years, she’s tried to fade into the background—but none of that matters when Ashton Keller comes striding into school, fresh out of juvie and fueled by revenge. The moment their eyes meet, Willow no longer feels invisible. Drawn to the vulnerability behind Ashton’s mask of rage, she sinks deeper into his sinister world and begins to question whether he’s a villain, a savior, or both.
Ashton thought he wanted vengeance, until Willow Lamott stepped back into his life. Now he longs to clear his name and become the person she sees in him. But the closer they get to uncovering the truth, the darker the secrets become, and Ashton wonders if his return to Gilt Hollow will destroy everyone he loves.

Books published under the Blink imprint are intended for a general readership without being overtly Christian.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Review

Remember to Forget By: Ashley Royer #Review

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Levi suffers from depression, anxiety, and mood swings as a result of the unexpected and tragic death of his girlfriend. The grief and pain of this loss drove him to stop speaking for months and isolate himself from the world. Out of ideas, his mother decides that he should move from Australia to go live with his father in America. Levi is a rude, sarcastic, character. He meets someone with almost the exact name as his deceased  girlfriend, and of course, she looks exactly like her, too. She sees his brokenness and  it intrigues her and she wants to help. This is a very dramatic book with strong topics. There is no profanity or adult content. What is remarkable is that this novel was written by a 17 year old!

Book Description

In Remember to Forget from Watty Award-winning author Ashley Royer, Levi has refused to speak since the tragic death of his girlfriend, Delia, and can’t seem to come out of his depression and hindering self-doubt. Desperate to make some positive change in Levi’s life, his mother sends him to live with his father in Maine. Though the idea of moving from Australia to America seems completely daunting, Levi passively accepts his fate, but once he lands faces personal struggles and self-doubt at the same time he and his dad battle through resentment and misunderstanding. And then, while at therapy, Levi meets Delilah, a girl who eerily reminds him of someone he lost.

Books published under the Blink imprint are intended for a general readership without being overtly Christian.

 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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6 things to do when you’re losing a wayward child #parenting

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  • They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.

  • Don’t blame yourself

    From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”

  • Stick to your values

    When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.

  • Love unconditionally

    It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.

  • Let them be them

    When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:

    “When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”

  • Fight with them

    Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.

  • Invade their space

    Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.

    If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.

 

 

 

https://www.websafety.com

Devotion · family · fatherhood · kids · love · mom · motherhood · reeding · women · World VS Life

“Oh, How He Loves Us” 

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“Oh, How He Loves Us” 

You’ve always heard that we are created in the image of God. But what does that really mean, and why did God create us in His image? When you hear that, you probably are reminded of your worth – that if the God of the universe created you like Him – you are worth something. But it can also be a little scary, because we can get a “God complex,” thinking we are equal with Him because we are made in His image. 
Let’s take a look at the beginning – to see where God fell deeply in love with us. Take a trip with me back to the Garden of Eden. I imagine it must have been the most beautiful sight. Vast with greenery, sprouting with life, and glowing with perfection. It was perfect. God created our world and had us in mind. He knew he wanted to bring us into this world to love in a way our minds cannot fathom. So, He created us in His image. 
The Hebrew meaning of the phrase image of God is imago Dei meaning “image, shadow or likeness of God.” I like to think of us as a snapshot, or a replication of Him. And that’s where it gets tricky because we begin to think we are in charge. We can easily confuse our God-likeness to being gods. God did place us in the highest order of His creations, because we are the only creations made in his image. It’s when we begin to become more like Him that we are truly his image bearers. We will be the most whole when we develop into who God made us to be. 
If this in itself isn’t a beautiful picture of God’s love for us, He gave us an entire love story in His Word. Story after story of His love, His faithfulness and His unrelenting passion for us. When we are ready to realize we are not God, we are of Him and His love for us is deeper than anything we can fully grasp – that’s when we will truly be an imago Dei of Him.
{ Genesis 1  } 

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SneakPeek Senior #Photography

EllyFilho1 Comment

A lot of people know I’m a passionate photographer.
I decided to send my son out to get his photos taken instead by another professional.
I couldn’t be happier how these came out. I can’t wait to see the rest of the photos.

Lisa ( The photographer ) did an amazing job 🙂

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This is how you can contact her

there are many ways to contact us:
via email bryceaustinphotography@yahoo.com
via telephone 617-852-7748
via facebook bryce austin photography
via mail po box 335, raynham center, ma 02768

This is her website http://www.bryceaustinphotography.com/portfolio.html

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7 things you must do If You Find Drugs in your kids room #momlife

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Drugs in your kids room: 7 things you must do
You are looking through your kids room and run across drugs or alcohol. Disbelief, anger, sadness, there are so many emotions. What should you do?

  • So you’re cleaning your kid’s room after asking them for the seventh time to do it. While you’re doing it, you run across some type of alcohol or drug. You’re shocked at first, and then some denial comes in. Then you’re angry. Figuring out a good way to handle it can be the difference between building a stronger relationship with your child or creating an even bigger rift in your relationship with them. Here are several things to remember when you have to deal with this situation.

  • 1. You are not alone

    Every day, parents all over the world have children that are involved in drugs and alcohol. This doesn’t mean it’s OK, but it does mean you don’t have to go through this challenging, and sometimes uncomfortable, time alone. Alanon family is a great resource for parents who are in the midst of not knowing what to do.

  • 2. Have a plan

    It would be really easy to have a negative knee-jerk reaction to finding drugs or alcohol in your child’s room. There will be any number of emotions you will be feeling, and you may want to take care of the problem right then and there. Yes, this could be a crisis, and it’s not something that will be able to solve itself in the next few hours. It will be wise to have a plan of action. When will you talk? Who will you have present with you? What questions will you need to have answered? If you have these kinds of things mapped out ahead of time, your conversation can go much more smoothly as you approach your kid.

  • 3. Don’t go in angry

    It is completely understandable to be angry about this new information you have just found out about. Yet, trying to let someone know your concern about them in the midst of anger doesn’t usually work well. It especially doesn’t work well if you try to do it with a teen. They hear and feel your anger instead of the actual message. Anger is a secondary emotion. What you are really feeling is something more akin to hurt, sadness, disappointment or loss. Those are the emotions you should talk about.

  • 4. You are in charge

    To some degree, you, as the parent, should be in charge in your child’s life. The fact that you found what you found should let you clearly know that you NEED to stay in charge. Your child is off-course and you need to help him get back on course. The challenge here is if you are off-course yourself. It’s going to be much more difficult to get your child back on track. Part of the reason he could be using drugs is due to something you may or may not be doing. Self-evaluation is going to be important in this process. If you are using illegal drugs and your kid knows it, it will be very difficult for him to listen to you. Make sure you are not doing things that undermine you being in charge.

  • 5. Gather support

    You don’t have to do this alone. Since you are in charge it’s going to be important to gather support around yourself and your kid. This support can take form in a variety of ways. The most immediate way to get support is with a spouse or significant other who can help you. Together you can think of some ways to implement a new plan in the home. Gathering other family members, church members or even close friends can be useful as well. If you absolutely have no one in your vicinity to provide support, then the above link to Alanon can be a starting place to find support.

  • 6. Stay consistent

    Kids need consistency in their lives. This is no different. Once you have a plan and have gathered support you now need to stay consistent. You can’t let things get in the way of your consistency. Things unfortunately may need to be arranged in your life in order to make things work in a consistent manner.

  • 7. Love your kid

    When you had your child, there was no way you imagined she would someday use illegal substances. Instead, you had great hopes and dreams for her. At the core of your relationship with her, there was love. This love caused you to stay up nights with her when she was sick, make her favorite meals, take her to places she loved. This love is what will carry you through now. It will help you stay consistent and do the hard things when it comes to helping your child. Love is simply not an emotion, it’s also an action. You can and must love your child even in the midst of these difficult circumstances.

    The important thing to remember through this process is the value of controlled action and love. While this discovery may offer its share of pain, the end result can be one of hope, recovery and understanding.

 

Dr. David Simonsen
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Happy 19th to my son #momlife 

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Today is the day back in 1997 when God decided to Bless me with a baby boy. When I held him for the first time I was overwhelmed with great joy. I remember the day I went into labor I was working and my boss kept on telling me to go to the hospital and all I could think about was to first finish my job then go to the hospital. LOL 

When I got there to my surprise no matter how bad in pain I was. I still got sent home about 4x hahaha

I was in labor for 36 hours before they decided to give me that damn Epidural. But it was all worth it at the end. Along the way, for 19 years we had some good times. A lot of good memories like ” Jesus pai de meu pai, pai de minha mãe. ” or ” olha vo sou igual uma baleia ” or ” that tree falling in Whitman ” and many many more. We also have bad memories that are not worth typing, but we all know what they are. But that doesn’t mean for a second that we are not proud of you. You have become a man a person that many wish they could be like. You bring joy into our lives and I’m so glad you are my son. I, not for a second regret that I had you. As a matter of fact, I’m a better person because I had you. No matter what mistake you made or will make you will forever be my baby boy. You and your brothers are my everything. I have lived for you 3 always remember that. ve seen too many tragedies and I love you too much to see your head that way. ❤️️ Happy Birthday !!! I love you always. 


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First Day of College #momlife 

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FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE

I miss the days when you would just crawl into my arms and my hugs and kisses were all you seemed to need….. I can only hope that we have taught you the most important lessons about life….ethics, morality….if not in words then at least through our actions and deeds.

You will have temptation from every direction, and will need to have the guts to know what is right and not just follow the ‘pack’! If you still have any doubt on how to proceed…..REMEMBER…now that you are 18, you will always be tried as an adult!

There is always someone smarter than you, dumber than you, more confused than you, more secure, less confident, more sensitive, less reserved….and even more dysfunctional! Enjoy the benefits of meeting some, and show compassion for the others. Roles may be reversed next week!

In these upcoming years, don’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and work hard for what you want! You have never shied away from hard work…..don’t start now! Believe in yourself and never be afraid to say what you really think or feel. You will be facing adversity……make sure you get up when you are kicked down, holding your head high! Continue to be the loving, caring son/friend I know you to be. Compassion is everything in life!

You have been so focused on who and what you want to be since you were 5 years of age. With the endless possibilities in front of you, don’t be afraid if your goals take a couple of twists and turns. This is only natural and expected. You are surrounded by our love and support.

I am so proud to be your Mom. You are a true gift from God and one of my greatest accomplishments. I cannot wait to see what your future holds, the possibilities are endless.

I Love you ❤

 
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