6 things to do when you’re losing a wayward child #parenting

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  • They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.
  • Don’t blame yourself

    From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”

  • Stick to your values

    When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.

  • Love unconditionally

    It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.

  • Let them be them

    When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:

    “When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”

  • Fight with them

    Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.

  • Invade their space

    Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.

    If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.

 

 

 

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“Oh, How He Loves Us” 


“Oh, How He Loves Us” 

You’ve always heard that we are created in the image of God. But what does that really mean, and why did God create us in His image? When you hear that, you probably are reminded of your worth – that if the God of the universe created you like Him – you are worth something. But it can also be a little scary, because we can get a “God complex,” thinking we are equal with Him because we are made in His image. 
Let’s take a look at the beginning – to see where God fell deeply in love with us. Take a trip with me back to the Garden of Eden. I imagine it must have been the most beautiful sight. Vast with greenery, sprouting with life, and glowing with perfection. It was perfect. God created our world and had us in mind. He knew he wanted to bring us into this world to love in a way our minds cannot fathom. So, He created us in His image. 
The Hebrew meaning of the phrase image of God is imago Dei meaning “image, shadow or likeness of God.” I like to think of us as a snapshot, or a replication of Him. And that’s where it gets tricky because we begin to think we are in charge. We can easily confuse our God-likeness to being gods. God did place us in the highest order of His creations, because we are the only creations made in his image. It’s when we begin to become more like Him that we are truly his image bearers. We will be the most whole when we develop into who God made us to be. 
If this in itself isn’t a beautiful picture of God’s love for us, He gave us an entire love story in His Word. Story after story of His love, His faithfulness and His unrelenting passion for us. When we are ready to realize we are not God, we are of Him and His love for us is deeper than anything we can fully grasp – that’s when we will truly be an imago Dei of Him.
{ Genesis 1  } 

7 things you must do If You Find Drugs in your kids room #momlife

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Drugs in your kids room: 7 things you must do
You are looking through your kids room and run across drugs or alcohol. Disbelief, anger, sadness, there are so many emotions. What should you do?

  • So you’re cleaning your kid’s room after asking them for the seventh time to do it. While you’re doing it, you run across some type of alcohol or drug. You’re shocked at first, and then some denial comes in. Then you’re angry. Figuring out a good way to handle it can be the difference between building a stronger relationship with your child or creating an even bigger rift in your relationship with them. Here are several things to remember when you have to deal with this situation.
  • 1. You are not alone

    Every day, parents all over the world have children that are involved in drugs and alcohol. This doesn’t mean it’s OK, but it does mean you don’t have to go through this challenging, and sometimes uncomfortable, time alone. Alanon family is a great resource for parents who are in the midst of not knowing what to do.

  • 2. Have a plan

    It would be really easy to have a negative knee-jerk reaction to finding drugs or alcohol in your child’s room. There will be any number of emotions you will be feeling, and you may want to take care of the problem right then and there. Yes, this could be a crisis, and it’s not something that will be able to solve itself in the next few hours. It will be wise to have a plan of action. When will you talk? Who will you have present with you? What questions will you need to have answered? If you have these kinds of things mapped out ahead of time, your conversation can go much more smoothly as you approach your kid.

  • 3. Don’t go in angry

    It is completely understandable to be angry about this new information you have just found out about. Yet, trying to let someone know your concern about them in the midst of anger doesn’t usually work well. It especially doesn’t work well if you try to do it with a teen. They hear and feel your anger instead of the actual message. Anger is a secondary emotion. What you are really feeling is something more akin to hurt, sadness, disappointment or loss. Those are the emotions you should talk about.

  • 4. You are in charge

    To some degree, you, as the parent, should be in charge in your child’s life. The fact that you found what you found should let you clearly know that you NEED to stay in charge. Your child is off-course and you need to help him get back on course. The challenge here is if you are off-course yourself. It’s going to be much more difficult to get your child back on track. Part of the reason he could be using drugs is due to something you may or may not be doing. Self-evaluation is going to be important in this process. If you are using illegal drugs and your kid knows it, it will be very difficult for him to listen to you. Make sure you are not doing things that undermine you being in charge.

  • 5. Gather support

    You don’t have to do this alone. Since you are in charge it’s going to be important to gather support around yourself and your kid. This support can take form in a variety of ways. The most immediate way to get support is with a spouse or significant other who can help you. Together you can think of some ways to implement a new plan in the home. Gathering other family members, church members or even close friends can be useful as well. If you absolutely have no one in your vicinity to provide support, then the above link to Alanon can be a starting place to find support.

  • 6. Stay consistent

    Kids need consistency in their lives. This is no different. Once you have a plan and have gathered support you now need to stay consistent. You can’t let things get in the way of your consistency. Things unfortunately may need to be arranged in your life in order to make things work in a consistent manner.

  • 7. Love your kid

    When you had your child, there was no way you imagined she would someday use illegal substances. Instead, you had great hopes and dreams for her. At the core of your relationship with her, there was love. This love caused you to stay up nights with her when she was sick, make her favorite meals, take her to places she loved. This love is what will carry you through now. It will help you stay consistent and do the hard things when it comes to helping your child. Love is simply not an emotion, it’s also an action. You can and must love your child even in the midst of these difficult circumstances.

    The important thing to remember through this process is the value of controlled action and love. While this discovery may offer its share of pain, the end result can be one of hope, recovery and understanding.

 

Dr. David Simonsen

First Day of College #momlife 


FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE

I miss the days when you would just crawl into my arms and my hugs and kisses were all you seemed to need….. I can only hope that we have taught you the most important lessons about life….ethics, morality….if not in words then at least through our actions and deeds.

You will have temptation from every direction, and will need to have the guts to know what is right and not just follow the ‘pack’! If you still have any doubt on how to proceed…..REMEMBER…now that you are 18, you will always be tried as an adult!

There is always someone smarter than you, dumber than you, more confused than you, more secure, less confident, more sensitive, less reserved….and even more dysfunctional! Enjoy the benefits of meeting some, and show compassion for the others. Roles may be reversed next week!

In these upcoming years, don’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and work hard for what you want! You have never shied away from hard work…..don’t start now! Believe in yourself and never be afraid to say what you really think or feel. You will be facing adversity……make sure you get up when you are kicked down, holding your head high! Continue to be the loving, caring son/friend I know you to be. Compassion is everything in life!

You have been so focused on who and what you want to be since you were 5 years of age. With the endless possibilities in front of you, don’t be afraid if your goals take a couple of twists and turns. This is only natural and expected. You are surrounded by our love and support.

I am so proud to be your Mom. You are a true gift from God and one of my greatest accomplishments. I cannot wait to see what your future holds, the possibilities are endless.

I Love you ❤

 
Author unknown

5 tips on fighting fair with your teen

5 tips on fighting fair with your teen

Fights with your moody teenagers are inevitable, but here are a few things to remember when a battle breaks out.

  • Teenagers can be terrors, and battles are bound to break out. But not every argument has to be a free-for-all fight. It may seem fitting to make sure your little one knows who’s boss in your home, but it’s important to remember that your kids are still growing, and how you handle arguments with them will teach them how to handle arguments with others. You are a model for your son’s behavior, and you’re teaching your daughter what to expect from the world. So when frustrations rise and tensions boil over, remember this important advice about fights:
  • 1. Words hurt, and cannot be taken back

    You can’t un-ring a bell; and you can’t take back hurtful words you say to your child. You may instantly forget what is spewed in a fray, but the worse it was, the longer your child will remember. No matter how bad the conflict seems, your son or daughter needs to know you’ll still be there for him or her once the battle is over and the smoke has cleared. That bond and trust can easily be broken when he or she has to forget something terrible you’ve said to rebuild your relationship.

  • 2. Your child will remember things you forget

    It’s not just words you must be careful of in fights; your actions can also speak loudly. Acting aggressively toward your son or daughter – lunging, chasing, grabbing or raising a fist – is unnecessary. And needless to say, making contact in this manner is entirely inappropriate. If your teen loses control and attacks you, your job is to restrain and de-escalate — never to retaliate. Likewise, leaving your child in a fight, either at home or stranded somewhere, will leave him feeling abandoned. Be present and available, even in conflict. And see your fight through until its resolution.

  • 3. You are the adult, and you are in control

    Not of your son, but of yourself. He is growing into an independent person with a mind of his own, and no amount of punishment, rage or belittling is going to turn him into who or what you want him to be. He has to find that for himself. But the best way to encourage this is to show him how to be someone you would want him to be; especially in times of crisis.

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  • 4. You are a role model

    How you respond in times of stress says a lot about you and your parenting. Show your child how a mature adult responds to the world when things are not going your way. You may feel justified in blowing up and getting into a shouting match, but nothing gets heard or resolved over yelling. Make change at indoor volume.

  • 5. Yours is not the only valid opinion

    It may be time to sit back and actually listen to your teen’s point of view. Yes he may lie, and yes she may be manipulative, but somewhere deep down your teens are learning to navigate the world, and there is likely some structured and logical thinking. Acknowledge what actually makes sense, and build on that.

    Fights with your teens can be stepping stones into adulthood, so make sure you’re laying a good foundation. Teach your sons and daughters to resolve conflict and face an argument with good skills and goals so everyone comes out unscathed and no worse for wear.

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Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com

To The One That  I Love 

  
Seems like it was yesterday. We were standing at the altar. I was only 18 and you 21. People must of been thinking. ” what are these kids doing?” But here we are today. 
You’re turning 40 and I would like to wish you a Happy birthday! 

Couldn’t be a happier wife. You’re even better than what I ever imagine. 

A husband that takes care of his house, his kids, well his family in general. 

A person that a friend can count on. 

A Pastor with many other values. 

I’m very proud of you for everything you are and for everything I’m sure you will still become. 

You have many dreams you already conquered and a lot still to come. 

I’ve made a promise to be by you’re side and a promise I’ll keep ” Till Death do Us Part. ”
 I Love You forever and Always. Happy 40th Birthday !!! 
You’re wife. ❤️💕