6 things to do when you’re losing a wayward child #parenting

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  • They may be your literal flesh and blood, but that doesn’t mean your children will embrace your values or your rules. Finding yourself challenged with a wayward child can be heart-wrenching, and often makes you second-guess not only yourself but your parenting strategies as well. If you want to get your child back, it’s important not to lose hope. You can do more than you think.
  • Don’t blame yourself

    From acting up in kindergarten to sneaking out in high school, parents have a tendency to blame their children’s behavior on themselves. But taking on that kind of guilt won’t help your child find the right path, and nor will it help you deal healthily with the situation at hand. Not only does blaming yourself make you feel bad, but it also sends your child the message that he doesn’t need to be accountable for his actions. According to Empower Parents, when a parent blames himself, “the child gets the message that he’s not responsible for his own behavior and choices-his parents are. Unfortunately, this can lead to a lifetime pattern of blaming others and refusing to take responsibility. It will always be his spouse’s fault, the boss’s fault, the police officer’s fault, or the legal system’s fault.”

  • Stick to your values

    When you’re a parent, you’re charged with the responsibility of teaching your child morals and ethics, however you view them. But when your child becomes wayward, she will challenge these values to the very core. Whether these morals come from a religious or secular place, it’s critical that you show your child consistency in what you view as acceptable and unacceptable behavior. For example, if you’ve taught your child that underage drinking is wrong, don’t try to mitigate the risks of the behavior by allowing him to drink in your presence.

  • Love unconditionally

    It goes without saying that parents love their children unconditionally, but when you’ve got a wayward child, she can definitely try those feelings. While practicing unconditional love is easier in theory than in practice, it’s important if you’re trying to lead a wayward child back to the family fold. According to Aha! Parenting, “unconditional love is like a muscle. It needs a daily workout. Compassion is the heavy lifting of life.” If you don’t feel like you’re in the habit of loving your child unconditionally, don’t worry, it’s still possible to achieve it.

  • Let them be them

    When you see your child going down an undesirable path, your first reflex might be to take control. For example, when your son begins hanging out with a less-than-reputable crowd, it might be tempting to force him into soccer or football to keep him occupied after school and help him meet new friends. Psychology Todayadvises:

    “When we do that – that is, parent our children according to our own requirements, desires, or standards of how things ‘should be’ – we often deprive them of developing a solid sense of self. We stifle their innate creativity and urges. What’s more, we may subconsciously deliver the message that they will only earn our love by being just like us.”

  • Fight with them

    Fighting with them doesn’t mean you should go around arguing, screaming or bickering at your child. The fact of the matter is, many wayward children are facing some difficult demons, whether those are substance abuse, addictions, eating disorders, bullying or abuse. Any of those issues could be making your child feel isolated and hopeless. As parents, you’ll do anything to help your child find happiness and peace, and that will likely require a fight. Your child may not have the strength to face her demons, but when you join in the fight, your whole family will be stronger for it. And it will show your child that you’re in this with them, which may help bolster their hope and motivation.

  • Invade their space

    Giving your child his space and hoping he’ll make the right decisions on his own might sound enlightened in theory, but in practice, a laissez-faire parenting approach rarely works. That’s why it’s so important to monitor your child’s behavior and correct it when it needs correcting. For example, don’t allow your wayward child carte blanche access to the internet or social media when you think she’s sending or receiving explicit posts. Monitoring your child’s behaviorisn’t an invasion of privacy. It’s your duty.

    If you want to become more involved in your child’s life, WebSafety offers an easy-to-use app that helps you keep tabs on your children’s online and cellular activity.

 

 

 

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7 things you must do If You Find Drugs in your kids room #momlife

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Drugs in your kids room: 7 things you must do
You are looking through your kids room and run across drugs or alcohol. Disbelief, anger, sadness, there are so many emotions. What should you do?

  • So you’re cleaning your kid’s room after asking them for the seventh time to do it. While you’re doing it, you run across some type of alcohol or drug. You’re shocked at first, and then some denial comes in. Then you’re angry. Figuring out a good way to handle it can be the difference between building a stronger relationship with your child or creating an even bigger rift in your relationship with them. Here are several things to remember when you have to deal with this situation.
  • 1. You are not alone

    Every day, parents all over the world have children that are involved in drugs and alcohol. This doesn’t mean it’s OK, but it does mean you don’t have to go through this challenging, and sometimes uncomfortable, time alone. Alanon family is a great resource for parents who are in the midst of not knowing what to do.

  • 2. Have a plan

    It would be really easy to have a negative knee-jerk reaction to finding drugs or alcohol in your child’s room. There will be any number of emotions you will be feeling, and you may want to take care of the problem right then and there. Yes, this could be a crisis, and it’s not something that will be able to solve itself in the next few hours. It will be wise to have a plan of action. When will you talk? Who will you have present with you? What questions will you need to have answered? If you have these kinds of things mapped out ahead of time, your conversation can go much more smoothly as you approach your kid.

  • 3. Don’t go in angry

    It is completely understandable to be angry about this new information you have just found out about. Yet, trying to let someone know your concern about them in the midst of anger doesn’t usually work well. It especially doesn’t work well if you try to do it with a teen. They hear and feel your anger instead of the actual message. Anger is a secondary emotion. What you are really feeling is something more akin to hurt, sadness, disappointment or loss. Those are the emotions you should talk about.

  • 4. You are in charge

    To some degree, you, as the parent, should be in charge in your child’s life. The fact that you found what you found should let you clearly know that you NEED to stay in charge. Your child is off-course and you need to help him get back on course. The challenge here is if you are off-course yourself. It’s going to be much more difficult to get your child back on track. Part of the reason he could be using drugs is due to something you may or may not be doing. Self-evaluation is going to be important in this process. If you are using illegal drugs and your kid knows it, it will be very difficult for him to listen to you. Make sure you are not doing things that undermine you being in charge.

  • 5. Gather support

    You don’t have to do this alone. Since you are in charge it’s going to be important to gather support around yourself and your kid. This support can take form in a variety of ways. The most immediate way to get support is with a spouse or significant other who can help you. Together you can think of some ways to implement a new plan in the home. Gathering other family members, church members or even close friends can be useful as well. If you absolutely have no one in your vicinity to provide support, then the above link to Alanon can be a starting place to find support.

  • 6. Stay consistent

    Kids need consistency in their lives. This is no different. Once you have a plan and have gathered support you now need to stay consistent. You can’t let things get in the way of your consistency. Things unfortunately may need to be arranged in your life in order to make things work in a consistent manner.

  • 7. Love your kid

    When you had your child, there was no way you imagined she would someday use illegal substances. Instead, you had great hopes and dreams for her. At the core of your relationship with her, there was love. This love caused you to stay up nights with her when she was sick, make her favorite meals, take her to places she loved. This love is what will carry you through now. It will help you stay consistent and do the hard things when it comes to helping your child. Love is simply not an emotion, it’s also an action. You can and must love your child even in the midst of these difficult circumstances.

    The important thing to remember through this process is the value of controlled action and love. While this discovery may offer its share of pain, the end result can be one of hope, recovery and understanding.

 

Dr. David Simonsen

9 things you should never say in a fight with your child

9 things you should never say in a fight with your child

Getting into arguments with your kids is inevitable, but when things start to heat up, avoid these nine phrases like the plague.

  • Disagreements between you and your children are a fact of parenthood. When aging children begin asserting their independence, things can quickly turn for the worse when your “not-so-little ones” become blatantly disobedient and disrespectful.

    When it comes to fighting with your kids, fight fair by avoiding these nine phrases at all costs:

  • 1. Profanities

    Profanities are a total no-no. Don’t fire back when your child hurls these at you. In the end, you are the adult and everything you do is teaching your child how to behave when he reaches adulthood. If you throw out profanities during a fight with your child, he’ll do the same to your grandkids.

  • 2. “You’re/You’re a (insert any insulting label here)”

    Part of fighting fair is constructively expressing your real feelings and concerns and then working toward resolving them. Labels and insults do neither and only cause hurt feelings or increased anger. These words stick to your child like glue and may greatly affect his relationships and self-esteem for years to come.

  • 3. “I never wanted you,” or “I wish I never had you!”

    It’s easy to rebut the classic kiddy tantrum, “I wish I’d never been born,” with one of these doozies. But don’t drop that bomb. Questioning the validity of your child’s right to exist is never a thought you want to implant in his mind — and it may come back to haunt you if he tries to make it a reality.

  • 4. “You were a mistake,” or “You ruined my life!”

    Blaming your child for being here doesn’t make sense and doesn’t make you look mature enough to be a parent. Being born was not his decision — it was yours. And even in the heat of the moment, making such an ugly claim says more about you than it says about him.

  • 5. “Why can’t you be more like __?”

    Comparing your wayward child to a more upstanding citizen is easy when he hits those tumultuous teen years. But your child is just trying to find himself. He is who he is, and asking him to be someone else is the same as telling him, “You’re not good enough the way you are.”

  • 6. “I hate you,” or “I don’t love you!”

    Let’s hope neither of these statements is true. Pointless and tactless, they just create a greater divide between you and your beloved child. Even if they are true, they still don’t need to be said — and it might be time for counseling!

  • 7. “Shut up, I don’t care!”

    Listening is much harder and much more important than speaking. What caused the argument in the first place is likely a breakdown in communication, so reinforcing the point that you are unwilling to listen to your child will only further the insult and injury.

  • 8. “I’m leaving,” or “I’m not coming back!”

    Your child needs you, no matter how much he claims he doesn’t. Don’t ever give your child a reason to feel abandoned. If you need to step outside to get some air, do it. But don’t take your keys, and give yourself a time frame in which to return. Then, come back!

  • 9. “Get out!”

    Your child needs a safe haven to call home and a comfortable place to rest his head. Ripping this away from him is not only against the law, it causes catastrophic damage to your relationship. And your child may not be so willing to return when you’ve calmed down and want him to come back.

    Keeping your wits in the midst of a meltdown with your kid takes grace, patience and immense amounts of self-discipline and self-control. But as the parent, this is the responsibility you took on when you started your family. Be the adult, and make sure every argument works toward a resolution — and remember to keep those unkind words to yourself.

Georgia Lee
Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com

Today’s Choices – Tomorrow’s Generation

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Today’s Choices – Tomorrow’s Generation

As each of our kids has fallen in love, we’ve given them what sounded like a strange piece of advice, “Make sure you make a good 200-year choice.” Our choice in a mate will have impact for a long, long time – along with a lot of other family choices.

When you’re deciding who you’re going to marry, you’re actually deciding who’s going to shape your children, who will, in turn, shape their children with what they got from you and your spouse and on and on. It’s that downstream effect of our family choices that God spells out graphically in Exodus 20:5-6.

Right in the middle of the Ten Commandments, God says, “I am the Lord your God…punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate Me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments.”

The consequences of a family’s unrighteous choices will be marking at least four generations. The blessings of a family’s righteous choices will be marking countless generations.

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If we could do a little “Back to the Future” time travel to see those who came before us, I think we’d understand strengths and weaknesses, blessings and struggles that are alive and well in our own family today. But that’s all history. The issue for us is what kind of heritage are we starting in motion through our choices today. Those marks – for better or worse – will be there long after we’re gone.

This generation-marking phenomenon is dramatically illustrated in a study of the descendants of two American families. Family One – which, for obvious reasons shall remain nameless – is traced back to a criminal ancestor. Out of 1200 of his descendants, 400 wrecked themselves physically through drugs, drinking, or sexual diseases; 310 were beggars; 130 convicted criminals; 60 of them were thieves; 7 were murderers; and 20 learned a trade – in prison.

A similar study was done on the family of Jonathan Edwards, the great preacher and the early president of Princeton. From him came 100 college professors, 100 ministers, 100 lawyers and judges, 60 doctors, 24 authors and editors, and 14 college presidents. Legacy – the powerful result of one generation’s family choices. It makes the choice of who you date and who you marry so critical – way too important for just your hormones or your attractions to decide. In the words of Genesis 24:44, “Let it be the one the Lord has chosen.”

and if she says to me, “Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,” let her be the one the Lordhas chosen for my master’s son.’ Genesis 24:44

But this legacy effect is something we have to remember in many of the choices we make. That weakness that sin that keeps flaring up and hurting the people you love – if you and Jesus don’t get it under control – will be hurting generations that follow you. If you settle for a lukewarm faith, that pale substitute for a real relationship with Jesus, that will be what you pass on. If your priorities – how you spend your time, your money, your energy – if they’re on stuff that doesn’t last, doesn’t really matter, then those dead-end streets may be where future generations waste their life, too.

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You probably have no idea of the long-range impact of your life – the 200-year-and-beyond effect of the choices you’re making now. Claim for yourself the promise of God that says, “This is My covenant with them, My Spirit who is on you. And My words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever.” (Isaiah 59:21)

Further Study

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lordyour God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. Exodus 20:5-6

Going Deeper

One legacy I don’t want to mark future generations with is…
To keep that from happening, one thing I need to do is….

Resources: The Bible and Ron Hutchcraft

The things I learned in life – #MomBlogger

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The things I learned in life

I learned that no matter how much I care, some people just do not care. I learned that no matter how good a person is, that person will hurt me from time to time, but I need to forgive her for this. I learned that talking can ease my emotional pain.

I learned that it takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over long distances. I learned that I can do in moments, things that I will forever regret.

I learned that what matters is not what I have in life, but who I have in life. I learned that members of my family are friends who I was not allowed to choose. I learned that I don’t have to change friends, and, yes, understand that friends change.

I learned that the people I care most in life have been taken too quickly. I learned that I always leave people who I love with loving words, it may be the last time I see them. I learned that the circumstances and the environment have an influence on me, but I am responsible for myself.

I learned that I should not compare myself to others, but do the best I can do. I learned that no matter how far I get, know where I’m going. I learned that no matter how delicate and fragile something is, there are always two sides.

I learned that It will take a long time for me to become the person I want to be. I learned that I can go further after thinking I can not. I learned that either I control my acts or they will control me.

I’ve learned that heroes are people who did what was necessary, facing the consequences. I learned that to have patience requires a lot of practice. I learned that there are people who love me, but just do not know how to show it.

I have learned that my best friend and I can do many thing, or nothing and still have a good times together. I learned that the person I expect to treat me wrong, when I’m down, is one of the few that will help me up. I learned that there are more of my parents in me than I thought.

I learned that when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that does not give me the right to be cruel. I learned that just because someone does not love me the way I want it does not mean that someone doesn’t love me with everything they got. I learned that maturity has more to do with the kinds of experiences I’ve had, and what I learned from them Than how many birthdays I already celebrated.

I learned that I should never tell a child that dreams are silly, or they are out of the question, because fewer things are more humiliating and would be a tragedy if she believed me. I learned it is not always enough to be forgiven by someone, I have to learn to forgive myself. I learned that no matter how many pieces my heart was broken, the world doesn’t stop for me to fix it.

Just learned, the things I learned in life!

Why Mom was Right about Bullies?

 

 At the park with my kid today and his dad. They were playing baseball. I was sitting at the bench, just watching my kid hit the balls with dad. These other little kids come to the field to play, and as I sit there listening to them ( remind you these kids are like 8-10 years old ) One of them becomes really angry and starts to scream at the others and say ” why do I have to be the one always called a retard, demented, no good, and horrible at everything.” He walks out of the field goes up on the bleaches and starts saying; ” I should of killed my self yesterday when I had the chance.” I quickly look over and at this point I was mouth dropped at the conversation and couldn’t believe the others didn’t say anything. So I gave the other kids the Mom Look. Like ” Hello say something this is your friend. ” 

The other kids started to try to calm him down and started talking to him and saying; ” Dude your dad got you a $300 bat do you think if you were no good he would do that? He replied:” what does that have to do with anything. You guys hate me and always call me bad names. ” I hate you. ” leave me alone and he runs away. I felt so bad I wanted to hug him, and go call this poor kids mother. My son was like ” Mom poor kid, did you see that? Those other kids are true bullies. I said yes and I told him about what he said killing himself. 

 

 My son was prettified. ( whatever the word is).

 I don’t know but my kids grew up in a bad world already with all this bulling crap, and I always told them. Don’t do to others what you don’t want for your self. And if anyone do it to you there’s two option. 
1. Ignore 

2. Tell someone that will make a difference 

Never seek revenge, because that will only cause more problems. I always told them try to be friends and nice to everyone. That way you will have less problems. Don’t judge anyone. 

Sometimes the Bullies might be being Bullied themselves and that’s all they know how to do because they don’t know any different. 

They don’t know what true friends are. Or love. So try to show them that it might work. 

I think all of it depends on PARENTING. 

Teach your kids to LOVE their neighbors like they love themselves. 🙂 

End of the story with that kid was, when we were about to leave we saw a parent talking to the bullies and the adult actually yelled at the kid that was being bullied because he said he wanted to kill himself.  I would of taken a different approach. 

Now I ask you. Do you think as a parent. Did his parent or the adult present do the right thing? 

Was yelling at the poor kid the right approach? 

What would you do if it was you in that situation?