6 things you should never say to someone with depression

6 things you should never say to someone with depression

Chances are, you know someone struggling with depression. If you want to help instead of hurt, avoid these six common mistakes.

  • 1. “Get over it”

    Depression is a serious matter that is not always easily dealt with. Getting professional treatment in a number of modalities, including prescription medication, therapy and even alternative treatments can help, but saying this won’t make anything better.

  • 2. “It’s not that bad”

    You don’t know how bad it is to them. The event that triggered the depression may not seem significant on the surface, but depression could be doing major damage on the inside once it has taken root. Try not to undermine or minimize how someone feels if you can’t understand what she’s going through.

  • 3. “You’re weak”

    Illness is not weakness. And projecting an ableist attitude onto someone who is suffering shows a lack of compassion and understanding that only makes you appear weak in character. Although a person may feel weak due to his ailment, calling him so will not give him strength.

  • 4. “Stop whining”

    Shaming a person with a psychological disorder is cruel and can cause further damage. Yes, constantly reinforcing the feelings he wants to rid himself of seems illogical and can be irritating, but it comes from a feeling of helplessness. As humans, we tend to express what we feel the most. If he were happy, he would be expressing that instead.

  • 5. “I got over it”

    What works for you will not work for everyone. Another’s experience with depression or its inciting events may be quite different from yours. Everyone has his own predispositions, chemical makeup and personal history, making for a unique treatment and healing plan. Plus, getting over something doesn’t mean you got through it. You may have put something behind you, but if it’s not entirely resolved, it could resurface and rear its ugly head again.

  • 6. “You’ll be fine”

    Be careful using these words. It can appear dismissive, uncaring or cold if said in the wrong way. Keep eye contact, smile kindly, and if you are close enough with the person, reach out and give him a warm hug and firm pat on the shoulder or back when saying this. If you believe he will get through this, let him know you mean it.

     

    Remember to keep your feelings about life and all of its ups and downs in perspective when addressing someone with depression. Even if you see a simple solution, a depressed person may see hopelessness and nothing in her future. Keep communication open and the bonds strong in your spiritual and biological family. This is the time your loved one needs you the most.

Georgia D. Lee seeks to empower, inspire, enrich and educate anyone with an open mind, heart and spirit through her most treasured medium – black and white!
Website: http://authorgeorgiadlee.weebly.com

From One Who Was Cut And Pierced For You; He understands!

Suicide among young people is on the rise. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is now the third leading cause of death for youth between ages 10 and 24. Some states even report it as the leading cause of death in this age group. “It results in approximately 4,600 lives lost each year. The top three methods used in suicides of young people include firearm (45%), suffocation (40%), and poisoning (8%). ” Deaths resulting from suicide are only part of the problem. The CDC states, “More young people survive suicide attempts than actually die. A nationwide survey of youth in grades 9–12 in public and private schools in the United States found that 16 percent of students reported seriously considering suicide, 13 percent reported creating a plan, and 8 percent reported trying to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey.”

It’s obvious that suicide is becoming a serious problem with our youth.

The telltale signs

There are usually warning signs that let you know when your teen is struggling emotionally — the kinds of struggles that lead to suicidal thoughts.

  1. Depression. This is not simply a child having a bad day and feeling down. All children have those from time to time. This is about a child feeling depressed day after day — a feeling of hopelessness. You can’t seem to cheer him or her up.

  2. Other suicides. When a fellow student commits suicide, it puts the thought into the minds of others.
  3. Too much stress. Kids are under a lot of pressure in school and far too many pressures at home.
  4. Involved in drug and alcohol abuse. When these abusive behaviors are present, likelihood of suicide increases.
  5. Bullied at school or on social media. We hear continually about bullied kids being so hurt and ashamed that they finally can’t deal with the hurt anymore.

When these factors are involved, it doesn’t mean your child will commit suicide. It just means you need to pay attention, improve your relationship with your child or consider getting some professional help.

What parents can do

These reports are daunting, and parents may wonder what is to be done to stem this tide. No parent wants his child to die — and most certainly not by suicide. Here’s the good news. There are specific ways parents play a vital role in helping prevent their children from committing or attempting suicide. The following are the most powerful things a parent can do.

Create a strong family environment

This is done several different ways:

  • Eat meals together as a family at least five times a week. This creates a safe place where family members can talk about what’s going on in their lives, laugh and share their concerns.
  • Play together. Do fun things. Board games, ball games, bowling, picnics, camping — anything fun and wholesome that brings the family together.
  • Visit relatives. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins bring a great deal of support and love into a child’s life. Make this happen for your family.
  • It’s reassuring to know that parents, siblings and loved ones care about you. This happens from continual association with each other in the home — in a congenial atmosphere. This doesn’t mean there won’t be arguing at times. That’s normal. It just means you keep the family activities going, regardless. Remember to tell your kids you love them. That matters. They need to hear it often.

Attend religious services

In a recent article, Greg Hudnall, a suicide prevention trainer, says of the youth, “[R]eligion helps them feel a connectedness, and that connectedness is very powerful.” This same article reports that “the students who reported high levels of religious participation — attending services one time per week or more — were half as likely to have contemplated suicide.”

Hudnall goes on to say, “One thing parents and religious communities can do is help youths deal with disappointment, psychological stress and failure.”

Keep a close eye on your child’s behavior and demeanor. To prevent suicidal thoughts, be diligent in involving your child in family activities and religious experiences. These two traditions have proven to be highly effective in curtailing suicide. If suicidal signs persist, seek professional help. It’s a fact that some suicides will happen even if parents do all they can to be there for their children. When this happens, parents who know they did what they could to save their children can, at least, find a measure of peace.

Together, Gary and Joy Lundberg author books on relationships. For more from the Lundbergs on improving communication, see I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better.”

via Protecting your child from the expanding risk of suicide.

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Now this article called my attention. Not only because I’ve been suffering from the depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms and having a difficult time these past couple of years of my life more than others. But because I read in a group yesterday, on a board a mother crying out for help because her daughter is a cutter. The daughter just told her about it and she didn’t know what to do. Her husband didn’t understand and wanted to keep quiet about it just between them. (Normal .. Some people are embarrassed ) not something easy to deal with specially if your family is a family that a lot of people look at as a good, healthy family. For an example; My husband is a Pastor and I’m the messed up wife lol. Is how I see it (OOops Joke about it ). Am I embarrassed? I was at the beginning for a long time, but not anymore. and you might ask me. Why not anymore? Well, I’m the one that needs the help, and I’m the one that knows if I don’t get it, or look for the help now things can get worse and than what? Will being embarrassed help me than? So that’s what I did. Regardless of what people might think or will think of me or my family I’m getting the help I need. I don’t care what others think of me or my family. I’m doing this for us. Not for them. So I think it’s very important for You as parents to talk to your kids and be aware of whats going on with them and not just your kids but your spouse as well. Give them the help they need. Trust me as I say this.  If your TEEN comes to you and tells you ” Mom or Dad I’m a cutter I need help.”  They NEED help, and YOU will NOT be able to provide that HELP they are seeking unless you have the structure to do it all alone and most of us don’t. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP. If you could provide that help they wouldn’t be doing what they are doing in the first place. They would just come and talk to you and solve the problem. They cut to feel relieve, to release the pain, to feel alive. Depression is not something you can wake up one day and say ” Oh it’s all gone. ” Please use the helpful links and seek help.

🙂 Hugs to all 🙂 

For Women 

Crisis HelpLine

PTSD

{ Just Keep Breathing }

The 1st Time I heard this song I was facing a though battle in my life, a battle I don’t wish upon my worst enemy. As I listened to this song, I cried, many nights. I was in such a bad shape all I wanted to do is disappear. I wanted to scream for help but I couldn’t. It was a choice I didn’t have. I would say ” Oh GOD how I need you now.. Don’t you see me? can’t you feel the pain I’m going through? Why is this happening to me? To my marriage? I just couldn’t understand. At one point I was so tired of holding on and I wanted to give up. That’s when I felt the hands of God holding me up. Like he has done many time. Never letting me go. My tears still drips sore but I”m feeling better.. So Today I wanted to share this song with you guys hope you like it.. Let me know what you think 🙂 

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“Need You Now (How Many Times)”

Well, everybody’s got a story to tell
And everybody’s got a wound to be healed
I want to believe there’s beauty here
‘Cause oh, I get so tired of holding on
I can’t let go, I can’t move on
I want to believe there’s meaning here

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Standing on a road I didn’t plan
Wondering how I got to where I am
I’m trying to hear that still small voice
I’m trying to hear above the noise

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

Though I walk,
Though I walk through the shadows
And I, I am so afraid
Please stay, please stay right beside me
With every single step I take

How many times have you heard me cry out?
And how many times have you given me strength?

How many times have you heard me cry out
“God please take this”?
How many times have you given me strength to
Just keep breathing?
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.

I need you now
Oh I need you
God, I need you now.
I need you now
I need you now

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I’m Not Afraid __{Anymore}

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What you see on the outside is not always what’s on the inside. A lot of us don’t even know what or how we really feel until we crash, and that’s how I felt about a month ago. I’ve had many up’s and down’s in my life since I was a child, like many people. We all have something to complain about, some more than others. I had some bad tragedy happening to me as a young girl and as I became older. I held everything that wasn’t exposed inside for many years too long. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to say, that I need help, I looked for help, and I got it( been getting help). Am I healed? Absolutely not. I still have a very long way to go, but I have good faith in God I will get better. 

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Being in this situation got me too depressed and having anxiety, panic attacks, Plus all the other health issues I have doesn’t help. Holding in all my emotions and sadness, not sharing with anyone what I was feeling made me many times want not to live anymore. The only thing that kept me going strong was my family. The fact I have 3 kids and a Husband that I love so much made me make the choice I wanted to be alive for them.

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I had to be hospitalized for eight days, because of my INR not being stabled and having a blood clotting disorder that is very dangerous. I was also having a lot of pain in my lower abdomen. Pain that I still have till this lovely day by the way. As I was there at the Stewart Hospital there was this awesome doctor talking to me and he actually got it out of me that I was feeling depressed and that I needed more help. He also looked at my records. Something that will follow you for life is your record. Those records had some history of attempts in there from when I was 11,13,16,18, records that sucks to have but those things do have consequences on me today. So that doctor talked to me about going into this hospital to get help for my mental issues. I decided to go. I know another thing to follow my record but, I have a lot of things to work on and this was going to be good for me. So I had to give it a try. I didn’t know what it was going to be like didn’t know what to expect. On my way there in the ambulance all I could think about was, ” God Please Help Me.” I needed to do this to get rid of the monsters that haunted me. I was in such a bad shape I couldn’t shower without the thought of hurting a person that I recently got into an argument with. Not only that but the monster from my past haunted me daily, made me scared, made me think horrible things about myself. A lot of people are ashamed to admit they have a problem, not me. I always knew I had a problem but never thought I needed help. Now I made the decision to get the help I need. 

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St. Elizabeth Medical Center Seton 5

1st day I got there I got checked in, all my things – laptop, iPhone,journal, bag, wallet, and everything else possible of using for harm got taken away. They took my vitals and blood work. I got my room and I stayed there for the night sleeping. I wanted nothing to do with anything or anyone. Never slept so much like that day. They had to wake me up at one point because my husband was on the phone, I told him I was fine and right back to sleep I went.

2nd day – I got up early, don’t remember the time all I know is that I stayed in that room till they announced breakfast was there. I went to get it, and it was nothing I wanted to eat. ( when I arrived I filled a menu IDK why they didn’t bring what I asked ) So all I had from that tray was the coffee, cream and sugar, but even that tasted horrible. I tried to step out of my room for a bit and as I stood by my door there was this girl sitting next to the door on a table that was there she was all alone, young girl I was afraid to start talking to her because she looked like she was 16, and I’m this old lady didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable. So I asked her if I could put my cup down on the table, you know a lot of people don’t like others invading their space and she was all nice about it and said ” yes “. I started to make small conversation with her. I’ll keep her name private and I’ll call her “J” for this post, and If she ever reads this you know who you are :). After that day at that table,  I can say J you became a great part of my recovery. Talking to you every day and having you there just to color next to me 🙂 and have a conversation made a big difference. Thank You Girl for being a friend when I needed one. I do miss you… ( oh by the way “J” is not 16 LOL she’s in her 20’s ) …..That same day I got a roommate and  it was this older women ( in her 60’s ) the night she came in I was awake all night ( as a matter of fact I was awake for most of the 6 days I was there ) and she was so mad she had a roommate It was very funny.

The next morning Day #3 I was talking to “J” I told her about the roommate and we laughed. After breakfast at around group time I met my roommate “D” She turned out to be this lovely lady and my heart melted for her. 😦  We all started to attend groups and talk and hang around the T.V rooms like we were best friends LOL. We helped each other out and together we kept going day by day. The last thing you want to do is go into a place like this and lock yourself out and shut down and don’t let others in. Big mistake. Because becoming friends with them is what helps you most.

 Now that you guys know about the people/Friends there and how nice it was to meet them lets talk about the program. When I got there it was nothing like I was hoping for. I’ll explain. I had in mind this place where I was going to have groups, speak to doctors daily, and see a psychiatrist every day, but no nothing like that. I met my nurse 2x a day for my meds anything I asked her about my medication or problem she would say I had to wait to see a doctor. I had groups 5x a day. The doctor saw me on my 2nd day there for 5minutes changed all my medications and added more to my list, without knowing me or my history. In groups, you talk to staffs and mates which were great. Once you get to know all the staff you know which ones are the good ones and the ones that are there just for the $$. There were 3-4 staffs there named James lol, all cool, nice people actually cared about doing their jobs treated patients with respect. Yes, they are there for the money but they know how to treat the people that are there and respect their condition. There’s this one staff there I wish I remembered his name, because I would name him here he would go around talking to all the female nurses about all the patients problems and why they were there, now you tell me. Is that even being professional? He was a missable person and overtime he was there it made me feel more depressed than I already was. It was horrible.

Other than those little complain Seton 5 is a very good place. I didn’t think it would help me at all and it did it made a difference in my life. When I got there I was feeling so horrible and my mind was filled with Hate and driving me crazy with all the horrible thoughts. Now I can work on them better and focus on my recovery.

I recommend the hospital to anyone the is willing to get help. I’m very Thankful I made that decision. I have no regrets. From now on I have to keep working on getting better. 🙂

It takes time to get cured, if you ever do. But you can make a choice to live miserable or try to move on.

Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, as needed. I will do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.

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